When You Have Ghost [COMPLETED]

#1 Blue Eyed Saviors

Its been a week since I left the hospital. I have not spoken to any of the guys and I tried to avoid Tobias as much as I could, even when I had to talk about some band matters I talked to Martin. I just could not face Tobias after what happened. Of course he has no idea that I am pretty much in love with him, but after everything my head made up I couldn't face him. I just spent my days sitting at home hiding behind my curtains trying to get back to my old self but somehow I just couldn't seem to find it. As day gone by I got more and more depressed I was actually considering quitting as the band manager. With my memories being clouded and partially lost replaced with illusions I didn't felt comfortable doing it anymore nor thought I was qualified anymore.

I laid on my bed hugging the pillow letting my tears run down my face after sending a text to Martin that I am quitting as tour manager as I am no fit to continue. I hated myself; everything that happened. I just couldn't take it. I just wished my dream would've been true and I would be dead. I felt pathetic. I was always strong and independent but now I'm just lost and alone. How am I supposed live my life when everything I believed was my life collapsed in front of me like a card house in the wind?

As I laid there I tried to remember things before the festival but everything was so blurry. I knew it was the back of my head but I just couldn't get to it like there was a wall shielding it. I just wanted to remember. I want my memories back I want to know what really happened, were Tobias and I actually friends? Did I ever actually slept with any of them? Were they really like a family to me? Everything seems so confusing and scary. I don't want this.

I don't know how long I have been laying on my bed but when I finally had the energy to get up it was already dark, I wasted yet another day. I sigh as walk into my kitchen and put the kettle on. When I glance at the clock on the wall I see its 9pm. Seems like I am going to be up all night again. Once again a sleepless night like it has been since I got out of the hospital. I barely slept anything. I was scared to sleep. I was scared my brain will feed me with more illusion and I was scared I will lost grip on reality. As I lean against the fridge suddenly I hear a knock on the front the door. Who the hell is that at this time? Who wants me? Maybe some lunatic serial killer. I roll my eyes on that thought and I sigh as I walk up to the door and without even checking who's that I open the door.

"Guys?" I look at Simon and Martin confused who both stand in the door smiling. What are they doing here?

"Come to check on you" Martin smiles as he gives me a tight hug. Without a second thought I lean into the hug and pretty much clench on him as I bury my face in his chest. I needed this. He just holds me tight and gently rubs my back until once again I am calm and finally for the first time in a week I start to feel okay.

"Hey this is not fair I came here too... I want some of that love!" Simon pouts in a fake offended tone what makes me chuckle. "Oh my did I hear that right?" he gasps dramatically then hugs me tight once Martin lets me go.

"You did asshole" I smile as I hug him tight as well.

"There's my Vera" he chuckles then kisses the top of my head. "We're here to talk to you about being an idiot" he says as he pulls away and flicks my forehead. "What is this bullshit about you leaving us?"

I go quiet as he says that and just look down embarrassed. I don't know what to say and I don't want to sound like a whiny bitch. I just stand there chew on my lips nervously until Simon closes the front and picks me up throwing me over his shoulder what makes me exclaim. He walks over to the sofa with me while Martin following us shaking his head smiling. Simon gently puts me down on the sofa then sits next to me and pulls me into a cuddle while Martin sits down opposite of us.