Chapter 12: I’ve Got My Mama’s Smile and My Daddy’s Faded Blue Eyes, I Aint Got Much but What I Got is mine.
Everyone thought it’d be a good idea to have an afternoon nap, just to catch up on some sleep. But I was far too awake to sleep. So instead, I sat outside on the back porch on the swing with an ice cold Pepsi in my hand. The weather got fairly warm so I changed from jeans to shorts and shredded off my hoodie.
I swayed back and forth on the swing, quietly. I just enjoyed the quiet view of the backyard where they had a pool and green grass. Living in Brooklyn then the Bronx then Buffalo then finally, New Jersey; we never had this kind of backyard. Mom and Tom did a lot of soul searching before we ended up in New Jersey when I was four. I may not remember those times but I see pictures of barbeques we used to have and our backyards never looked like this.
“Y’know Siddalee Eliese is my mother’s name.” I jumped when I heard my dad’s voice say after moments of silence. I looked at him wide eyed; he stood in the backdoor with a thoughtful look on his face. I shot him a small smile as my eye brows arched upwards.
“Was it?” I asked the dumbest question possible. He laughed lightly and nodded as he stepped onto the porch and sat down on the swing beside me. He set the shiny wooden guitar down against the house. He said that he enjoys music, I do too.
“Your mom and I talked about having kids one day, I asked her what she’d name it if it were a girl; she replied with: Siddalee Viviane Eliese Sullivan.” My eye brows fell together confusedly.
“I thought I was the product of a one night stand?” I muttered.
“Siddalee, you’re old enough to know the truth now.” He babbled weakly. I was completely lost. I’ve been told that I was the product of a one night stand for the past two years but now I’m being told that they planned on having me.
“Your mother and I dated in our teens when she lived in California. Then she moved to Buffalo and met Tom. We were still friends after we broke up. But then Tom was told that he wasn’t able to have kids so your mom called me and asked if I could ‘contribute to the cause’. Her, being my friend, and me, being a good hearted person, said yes after I discussed this with Barbra. Tom didn’t exactly like the idea but he wanted kids. So I gave them what they needed and left. Your mom sent me pictures every year and she’d tell me how you were doing. It didn’t surprise me when Tom blurted out that you were the product of a one night stand, and then you went on a man hunt for your real dad. I actually had Jessica and Katie friend you on MySpace to make it easier for you to get in contact with me. In a way, you’ve been apart of my life, your whole life.” He told me the entire story. It left me speechless. Things started to make sense now. That day when I heard mom and Tom arguing in the living room over money and Tom used the one night stand trick and mom said something I couldn’t hear. I could hear it, I couldn’t comprehend it though.
I felt an incoherent smile as in an odd way, I was reassured by that. I wasn’t, in fact, a product of adultery. My dad didn’t cheat on his wife and my mom didn’t cheat on Tom. That was just a horrible lie because a man had a temper tantrum like a two year old and took it out on a sixteen year old girl.
“You have your mom’s smile.” Dad made a casual observation. I felt blush brighten my cheeks as I tried to hide my smile.
“Mom says I have your eyes.” I truthfully told him. It wasn’t until after Tom told me I wasn’t his that I went to my mom and told her that I knew. The first thing that she did was cup my face with her hands, thoughtfully looking into my eyes with a mothering smile and said “You have your father’s eyes.” Dad’s face reddened lightly as a chipper smile fell across his face.
