a letter for him · bokuaka

i

❝ but i did remember how much i loved you ❞

dear bokuto,

i remember

how my mind cluttered and i, getting flustered, 

when i see you nodding and smiling at me,

showing your widest grin whenever you see me.

i find it annoying sometimes, yes

but i never once in my life hated it,

because it's a part of you, isn't it?

i remember

how we laughed with our funny jokes at the class,

not caring if the teacher caught us making faces at him.

i remember

the nights that you had called just to talk and ask how i am

because that was just so you, bokuto.

we'd chat about our enemies, talk about life, 

death, ghosts, volleyball, and universe,

 even your love-life too. 

i remember

ourselves laughing because we'd always end our call coincidentally every 3 am

you'd tease me about ghosts and i would just roll my eyes, saying how stupid you are.

i remember

myself joking on how you would look cute with pretty girls,

but you would just laugh, and ask your so-famous question,

❝why akaashi, are you jealous? ❞

resulting me getting flustered at such stupid thing,

denying that i am not, yet i actually am.

i remember you 

dancing with someone oh-so-romantically on a wednesday night of our last sophomore party

we danced a little bit too, but that was because our friends forced us to

yet, you hugged me, and of course i was taken a backed all surprised

all stunned, confused, and bewildered

but you just stood there, still hugging me, and i didn't know what to do

i felt like the world stopped for a while,

i couldn't see anyone but you,

like it was just us dancing alone

then you said something, 

do you remember that too?

  ❝ just let me stay like this for a while, akaashi. ❞

i did let you, even though i was all flustered.

you know what, bokuto?

i felt the euphoria roaring inside me,

i felt the adrenaline gushing inside me.

our friends did teased us,

saying that we should be a couple.

do you remember that one, bokuto?

that was comical, wasn't it? 

i mean, we're both guys, aren't we?

we're not supposed to be together, are we?

that's what society wants, isn't it?

that boys shouldn't be together.

then i remember you,

pulling back away from me,

then shaking your head at the thought of us being together

that's the time i knew, it was impossible.

i mean, you're pretty in love with someone, right?

why would you like someone like me?

you

you fell in love with someone

so in love

and so am i,

with

you.

    ♡