unexpected {bs}

Chapter 45

"hello, is anyone there?" I was knocked out of my thoughts as someone was knocking at the door. I wonder how long they have been knocking. I thought to myself. I ran for the door as i assumed the person has been waiting quite a while for me to answer the door.

I slowly opened the door, peaking my head round to see who it was. it was only Brad, and thank goodness because I look like such a mess right now.

"Abs!" brad sounded cheerily.

"hi." I bluntly replied. Brads smile soon disappeared.

"how are you feeling?" He asked.

"I'm fine, do you want to come in?"

I wanted to change the subject of me for once. Im sick of always being asked if i'm OK. if I'm alive, i'm fine. Its nice for brad to care, but I'm scared I'm all he worries about. i don't want him to worry about me.

"i know your lying abbie, I'm not an idiot. Please tell me" He pleaded whilst walking through the door, taking his shoes off and making himself at home by slouching on the sofa. I soon followed him and sat beside him.

"I'm just feeling a little down. but honestly I'm fine. stop worrying about me, brad."I don't even know how many times I have told Brad to stop worrying about me, but he still never listens.

"want to talk about it?" Brad asked, i nodded and smoothly wriggled into brads arms and resting my head on his chest.

"I'm seventeen brad, i should be thinking about college and what normal girls do, not planning my funeral and how much time I have left. I'm not a normal girl, how can i be normal when i know in two months I'm not going to be on this planet, without you, Jess, char, my mum and the others. I cant just leave all that Brad, I don't want to leave all this behind." I told my thoughts, my thoughts are always the same now. I can't eat a piece of toast without remembering that my heart is shutting down on me and I'm not going to be here much longer. I do it all the time, keep it all bottled up for ages and then let it all out. usually in front of brad, i dont know how he doesn't get annoyed with me, i get annoyed with myself.

"I wish I could make this all ok, so you don't have to leave me, so you don't have to die." I could tell by brads tone of voice he was finding it hard not to tear up.

"what are you afraid of?" he whispered closely in my ear.

"of dying. Brad, I'm so scared of dying." I trembled as my vision started to blur and tears ran down my face freely.

"I'm so sorry you have to go through it, abs. You know if i could, it would be me, instead of you."

I didn't reply, I just buried my head further into Brad's chest and sobbed a bit more.

"how about we do something relaxing today, have you made a bucket list?" Brad tried to change the subject and I'm quite glad he did.

"I haven't ,do you want to help me do it now? I found my old one earlier but that is a load of crap from when I was about eight, so i might as well do a new one" I explained, Brad nodded before leaving the room. I think he went to get paper. A few minutes later brad came back with pens and paper in his hand.

"where is everyone?" he asked, curiously.

"there out, why?" I don't actually have any idea of where they went exactly, i think it was shopping but I can't remember. All i know is that all of them went and they went almost an hour ago, and it is only 11am. I honestly have no idea how they get up so early. My phone alarm goes off at 7am, i end up snoozing it about ten times which makes it up to eight o'clock. Then the snooze turns itself off and doesn't wake me up anymore. Which gives me about another hour of shut eye, then i finally decide that I should get up, i check my phone and it is already 10:30am.

so basically that is my morning routine,

sleep, snooze, sleep, snooze, sleep, snooze, sleep, snooze, sleep, snooze,sleep, snooze, sleep, snooze, sleep, snooze, sleep, snooze, sleep, snooze, sleep, sleep, sleep until I finally feel like my eyes are ok to be exposed to sunlight and are safe to open.

"why didn't you go?"

"I didn't feel like it." I said and brad gave me a funny look and started giggling like a little girl.

"so by 'I didn't feel like it' you really meant you couldn't be bothered to get your lazy butt hole out of bed because you didn't think it was the right time for your eyes to be open." brad mocked, but hes totally right.

if my eyes aren't ready to be up. neither am I. I'm not going to force them open by forcefully splashing water over my face, that is just cruelty to my eyes.

I sarcastically laughed at brads comment and evil glared him for payback, he didn't find me scary or threatening at all, that is why he carried on laughing at me.

"Im right though and you know it" he winked.

who wouldn't turn into a tomato after anyone winked at you. but this is brad we are talking about which makes you blush ten times more than if i regular person winked at you.

"anyway, can we just get the bucket list over and done with?" I tried to hide my tomato cheeks.

"sure" brad sat down on the sofa and we began to write down our ideas.

"get a job"

I read which was written down on brads piece of paper.

is he serious? I have two months to live so I'm just going to spend the rest of them days, working in Starbucks. yeah of course that could be number one on my bucket list!

"are you serious?!" I shouted whilst laughing.

"what?" brad was completely serious.

"You seriously think I want to working at Starbucks when I have two months left too live, yeah I don't think so." I giggled and brad joined in.

"oh right, well i've got some more down. do you want to see?" he asked, I nodded and read the rough writing that was written on the paper

1) laser tag

2) go to a water park

3) go to asda really late at night

wow! I couldn't of thought of that one, how original! I carried on reading through the small-ish list.

4) camp in the back garden.

5) zorbing

6) break a world record.

the last one scared me the most.

7) get over your fear.

That, that would be the one and only thing that would be almost impossible, dying. Dying is the one thing I will never not be scared of as I don't know where I'm going after I die, whether there is heaven or hell. if my dad is actually waiting for me, everything about dying scares me. it never used to but now its different knowing that death is coming my way very soon.

dying. the word petrifies me.

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You guys are cute as shit