butterfly

one

『don't think about anything,
don't even speak,
please just smile for me.』

Alyssa - 9 years.

There's screaming and shouting. Arguing. Fighting. I hate it. I'm scared.
Rick must've come home late again, that's why he's angry. My mummy hasn't made me tea yet and he sent me to sleep, but it's the weekend so I'm allowed to stay up late. Why are they arguing over it?
Mummy called me downstairs, I think she's crying, but she said she'll make me dinner. I don't really want dinner anymore.
Rick is getting really mad and he tells me to choose so I try, but he says to choose quicker or I'll get a Rick slap. I don't like Rick slaps, they hurt a lot because he does it really really hard.

Mummy gets Rick slaps a lot too, but they're the hardest ones and she screams just like she is now, her cheek all red and covered in tears. If Rick gives us both a big slap we sit in my room and lock the door so me and mummy can sleep together in peace. Mummy doesn't deserve Rick slaps, or any slap at all, only play slap but that's more of a tap.
I choose tomato soup because that's my favourite soup, but mummy can't reach and Rick kicks her for taking so long. It's too high up and she can't get it on her tip toes so Rick has to get it. She goes behind him ready to go and open it and he shouts really loudly, and she shouts something back as I look down, but I hear her scream and when I look up she's flying onto the floor.

I run to her because I'm crying and shouting as well now, but mummy is making weird noises and Rick is shouting at me. There's red stuff on the floor and I hope it's tomato soup and not blood because I don't want to lose mummy and be with Rick. I want mummy to be alive because daddy isn't and she just needs to be alive because I need mummy.
Rick slaps me for getting to close but I go closer again. I want mummy. But he won't let me have her.
He pulls my hair and sits me back down on the stairs, and my head hurts a lot.
Mummy is stood up now but then there's a really loud THUD on the wall the stairs are against and I feel like Rick just hurt mummy again. It's really scary, and they're both screaming, and I'm screaming because I want mummy.
I get up to go and see her and he pushes me out the way, and when I look up he's really hurting mummy, really bad.
He has both arms wrapped around her neck and she's making more weird noises and I know it's not the funny weird, so I run up to him, trying to get him to let her go and he does and he pushes me again.
Mummy is grabbing her shoes and Rick is stopping her again and grabbing her so she can't. She screams at me to get some warm clothes, my cooat, and my shoes on, and to get my going away bag and put some things in it like Rabbit and Unicorn and the tablet and my special book with my daddy in it and so I do. I do a bag for her too with her phone charger and her special jacket and special pictures because her phone is downstairs.
I'm scared again, lots now.
I go downstairs and mummy has a jacket on and her shoes and I give her her bag and I carry mine and hold Rabbit because I'm really really scared. Everyone else would be asleep so I don't know where we would go.
Mummy has to keep talking with Rick so he can let us out and it's really loud talking, but not shouting. Rick slaps mummy again for being loud cause he's scared the neighbours will call the police on us.
We get out and we're walking but mummy doesn't have her phone, and we don't know where we're going. We can't call anyone without her phone so we have to go back and get it but that means seeing Rick again and I really don't want to.
Mummy tries getting in but we don't have the key. Rick doesn't respond when we knock on the door, so my mum kicks it and the glass on the bottom panel looks really smashed. He finally lets us in because he says he is calm now, but I don't know if he is. He looks calmer.
He sits us down and explains why he doesn't like people coming behind him and it's very scary. Apparently his old wife came behind him and stabbed him in the back, but that sounds like a fairy story.
But mummy believes him, so we're back to being happy again.