I Don't Love You Anymore, Goodbye...

Chapter 1: Regretting the past

Flashback...
As I sat in silent despair, listening to the heavy footsteps bang behind me hoping the person in those shoes don't see me. Nobody can see my face due to the hair that was covering it as my head was tilted down. I wasn't sure if I was hurt or angry. I heard one footstep and it grew louder and louder. The thought process made it nearly impossible to even realize that they came near me. Suddenly, the footsteps stopped for about five seconds and there was silence other than the breathing of another person. I then heard a deep voice saying "Are you okay?" that voice sounded familiar but I couldn't put a name to it. I wanted to just ignore it and act like I didn't hear it but I didn't. "W-who a-are you?" I said, trying not to sound like I was in pure misery. "It's Juan, from seventh grade." He replied. I froze for a moment. He was one of the popular kids."Oh." I said quietly."What happened with you guys?" he asked. I got angry just thinking about it. "Oh it's nothing, but i'm glad that I did what I did." I said with a sigh and little enthusiasm. At least, maybe one day I'll be more enthusiastic about saving my heart from anymore damage than it had already been through. I was saving my heart from being crushed like it had been a fly being squashed by a fly swatter. But yet I never knew what love was.
Maybe I never knew what was right and what was wrong from a relationship. But after a while of having my heart stepped on from those substandard lies that were put in my head, I don't know If I should be more stubborn to give away my trust. It's just nerve wracking how people just think trust cannot be lost even when saying sorry. I suddenly realize that I treasure the precious moments I have with the ones I love. I show them that I care. But once my love becomes weaker and weaker, I'm not sure if I can regain it again. I would suddenly become uninterested. Being in misery each day is very tragic to my heart. But I have one question. How can I love someone who doesn't show the effort and treats me like i'm trash? How can I love the person who blames me for their mistakes and mine? How can I? These questions will be left unanswered. Nobody knows for sure what makes the heart wants what it wants. Maybe it's because the heart craves to be broken constantly, or can't give up on the person that they used to love and believes that their change is only a nightmare and they will be back to normal in no time. No. Unfortunately, changes happen for a reason. If you lose your substantial lover's true identity, chances are that they're lost for good. Luckily, my heart is fast healing because I am stronger than anybody would think. How could you have such a cold heart to do what you did? How could you call me those untruthful names to me? How could you? That hurt me and made me become more angry. But what's the point? I don't love you anymore. Funny how you can mean so much one day and the next day, you are total strangers. I'm sick of it. No, I'm not trying to make you jealous. What I am trying to do is make myself satisfied. I'm not here to entertain you. But when you went straight to that girl, I wasn't in pain. I was angry at you and myself. I was mad at you for lying. You said you loved me... and I believed it. And the fact that I believed it made me furious at myself. But for now, It's been a month. I'm fully recovered but I'm observing the mistakes that I've made and the way you acted so I can avoid people like you. I don't think I can ever trust you. The lack of trust I have for you is so bad that I don't think I want to be friends with you. I can't even look at you. You say that I hurt you but if you would've looked deep into my eyes, I was the victim. You have family problems and I get it. But the fact that you treated me the way you did, you have no idea how I felt. The way you treated me felt like you brought me to your house with your family. You didn't understand the pain I had to deal with. I cried every night because you treated me the opposite of what I should've been treated. You think I'm a little bitch, but you don't understand why I was like that. You didn't know that I was afraid of getting hurt. You thought I was a hoe for going straight to another guy. I was only trying to get away from the arguments that were basically pulling me through a hell hole. I felt like I was stuck in hell and I was trying to climb out of there. Hell would be the closest word possible to describe how I felt. Does that make you widen your eyes in surprise? Every time someone would mention your name, I couldn't bear listening. I wanted to forget you for good like you never existed. I hated how people would assumed that I still love you when I told them to stop talking about you. I hated that. If I loved you, I would've not given up on you. But unfortunately, I've done that far too long and way too much. Now, you're trying to get together with my best friend who's had a crush on you for so long but I'm scared for her. Some people say I'm trying to keep you guys away from each other because I still liked you but that is incorrect. I'm not jealous or anything. I don't want my best friend to suffer with what I had to go through. My best friend tells me everything, and I surely don't want to hear her saying that you broke her heart. It would hurt me more than it would hurt her. With you dating her, you would be considered part of my life. Please don't go around saying you love a girl and not mean it. I knew you never meant it with me. I don't want your "Love" I don't want anything in fact. No girl deserves to be treated like trash. I always thought you were a gentleman, but I guess I was wrong. I'm sorry but there's no way to escape my enemy zone. Too many chances were given. I'm sorry to say, I hate you. You said you would love me no matter what. I hate you. But then you moved on in the blink of an eye. I hate you. You walked by me while my face was buried in my hands covering my face. I hate you...