Royally Screwed

03

"I think I'll try the Mushroom Pie." I replied. 

"Okay," Philip glanced at the drinks far less enthusiastic than the food, "Any drinks you're up for?"

"Water," I replied, confidently. 

"No beer?" Philip teased.

The nausea I felt increased, "No beer." I wasn't sure if it was the spaghetti from yesterday that was trying to make a reappearance, but I felt bloated and all his food recommendations felt a little like hell.

Maybe, I was nervous.

Maybe this was what it felt like when one night stands, didn't feel like one night stands. When you wanted the phone number, email, or facebook of the man sitting in front of you. 

The waiter comes by and Philip recites our order perfectly, adding a charming smile at the end. He turned to me, still with that grin on his lips. 

Is this a date? I wanted to ask, it was so childish of me. What did it matter if it was a date or if it wasn't? He was leaving in a weeks time. A 19 hour flight away. 

His holiday was coming to an end and so was my summer.

"I'll miss it here," Philip spoke first breaking the silence we settled in. Two glasses of water came and he thanked the waiter before continuing, "I will miss the freedom," Philip continued.

"You're still free in Greece."

"Not like this," Philip smiled at me, the boyishness from his face faded with those words and he looked older. He shook his head, "what are you going to do after this?"

I glanced at his hands, strong fingers that had explored the inside of my vagina. I had to cover a smile at the thought, and my mind swept back to the question, erasing the giggle that could have been, "I don't know," I replied, "I guess I can't pretend that this isn't my life anymore."

"You're 21," Philip pointed out, "Can't you go back to Ireland?"

"I'll break my parents heart," I shook my head, "it's like I'm abandoning them."

"You can always visit them," His voice was gentle, reassuring. 

I met his eyes. "Think I can visit you?"

"A booty call?" Philips eyes sparkled, but his smile wasn't there. I think he felt the lost as well as I had. Truth was, there would never be a future for us. Not like this. He was in Greece and I would stay here, even though every bit of me wanted to go home. 

Perhaps it would be easier to have a clean break. 

"I wouldn't travel nineteen hours for a booty call," I teased. My heart raced in anticipation, a galloping beat I couldn't keep up with.

"several booty calls?" He teased.

"I want mind-blowing sex," I told him with a straight face, making sure my lips wouldn't curl. 

His throaty laugh sent shivers down my spine. He reaches across the table, warm comforting hands on mine, "I can promise you that," Philip replied sincerely. 

The air between us shifted, it was like the two of us were in our own bubble. I wondered what would have happened if it weren't for the waiter that brought our appetisers. He broke the tension effortlessly just by putting a plate of food between us. Philip smiled, looking excited again, as he put a roll on my plate before taking a roll for himself.

"Try it," He said, watching me. I couldn't hold back the nausea rolling in my stomach. I could smell the gooey soft smell of cheese wrapped up with the rich smell of beef and the warm roll of bread slathered on with butter and - Fuck, Philip was looking at me, expectantly from how he sat, the roll on my plate.

If this was a date, I didn't want to fuck up.

I tried cutting a bit of the roll and moving the rich roll to my face and cautiously took a nibble.

My hand went to my mouth. I registered Philip looking nothing short of confused. I stood up, glancing left and right for the toilet, spotting it quickly before I all but dashed there. The minute I reached the toilet, I fell on my knees hurling everything into the bowl. 

There's a hesitant knock on the door a minute or two later, "Alana," his warm beautifully accented voice sounded from the door, "Are you alright?"

I couldn't muster a reply, he could only hear the sound of my violent upheaval. 

"Alana?"

I heard him swear in a different language, before the door opened. I could feel him approach me with caution. "Alana," there was panic in his voice. 

He bent down rubbing my back as I tried to control my breathing and avoid the self-pitying sobs that wanted to come out. 

"Alana," he sounded panicked, "we've been having sex for nearly two months." I could feel him trying to control the worry and panic in his voice but I couldn't begin to understand how our sex lives played a part in it. "You haven't had your period."

That's when it started to dawn on me. "There's no way, I could be pregnant," I replied, voice shaky. "We always used condoms."

"Stay here," he ordered. Standing up. His feet rushed out of the bathroom. I stood up shakily, flushing the bowl. I took several steps to the sink, trying to think. 

Pregnant. Pregnant. Pregnant.

It ran in my head like a march. I hadn't gotten my period sure, but everyone missed it at some point and the other, I have been feeling bloated but I always felt that way before my period - was this morning sickness? It wasn't in the morning, I was just nauseated. I wasn't pregnant. I just graduated from my degree, a couple of months ago. I wasn't pregnant. It must be something I ate, my period isn't regular and for the bloating, I was bound to get my period soon.

I wish I believed myself.

I closed my eyes, trying not to cry. 

I wasn't pregnant, I told myself sternly. Philip always used a condom, we were always safe. But what about the time at the beach? It was too dark, I don't remember if he used a condom, just that it was sandy everywhere. 

I couldn't possibly be pregnant. I was only 21.

Maybe it was the stress of moving here that messed up my biological clock.

What would my parents say?

Oh god, I could feel tears rolling down my cheeks, I wasn't pregnant. I couldn't possibly be. I slunk down to my feet, hardly caring about the white dress I wore, or the pink scarf that loosened as I sank to the ground. 

I heard the door open, "Oh dear," a distinctively female voice said. "What's wrong?"

I don't recognise the blonde australian woman that sank down on her knees as she looked at me with nothing but alarm in her eyes, or those careful eyes noting the way I curled in myself or the hickeys that adorned my neck. 

"Did your boyfriend leave you?" She asked, "Cheated on you?"

Perhaps it was a fair guess, and I was in no mood to correct her. I wasn't sure if Philip left me, but I knew in that moment, that I didn't want to see him. I knew that he wouldn't stay for me, that I was going to be on my own.

"Do you need a ride home?"

I nodded.