I hadn't always wanted to die, i remember being about 3 or 4 and wanting nothing more than to ride a horse and pet a pig (i loved farm animals)
Then after i turned 10 something changed my smile no longer stuck to my face the way it used to, i had a weird fog that rolled over me and wouldn't leave.
When i was 14 i was diagnosed with depression, slight schizophrenia, and depersonalization disorder. I never told people that i was diagnosed it made me feel like i was weird and different then everyone else.
I stared taking medication for my depression and schizophrenia when i was 16. It numbed me, i never felt like my self, my friends said i never acted like me after that, i was better, happier just not as active and funny as i used to be. By this time only my closest friends knew about my problems.
At 20 i stopped taking the pills for depression, i couldn't not take my schizo meds though i had tried that and by the end of a week with not taking them i looked like a meth addict i had sores all over my body from where the "bugs" had been crawling under my skin and i needed to get them out. After not taking the depression ones i felt actually fine very sad but fine.
That was the beginning of my end. i should have stayed on the pill , stayed numb. Now i'm dead, i think at least.
VOCÊ ESTÁ LENDO
The Paradise of Oblivion
Fantasia"life asked death, 'why do people love me but hate you.' death responded, 'because you are a beautiful lie and i am a painful truth.'"
