Just Being Me

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Zoey sprinted through the corridor in mirth for she had got an A grade in almost all her subjects. Suddenly, she stopped running and stood behind the wall when she heard hushed voices.

"I got to do the history assignment with some girl called Zoey, she wasn't there the other day," the newly enrolled boy said to Zoey's best friend.

Zoey recalled that dreadful day. She was sick due to not consuming food for long hours since she wanted to turn thin. In the back of her mind, she knew she was becoming anorexic but for the 'better' as her parents told her. Her parents didn't bother if she was starving herself, they wanted her to be skinny like the rest of the girls.

"Oh, right. Zoey," her best friend breathed and Zoey narrowed her eyes.

"Who is she?" the boy asked and Zoey's heart hammered against her chest as she nervously started to fidget with her shirt.

Zoey's best friend knew that Zoey surreptitiously wanted to get to know more about this cute boy. She knew that Zoey liked the boy and was developing a crush on him. 'Hopefully, she'll say something nice,' Zoey prayed and listened intently.

"Zoey . . . She's this really fat girl," her best friend snickered and Zoey's heart shattered into a million pieces.

Tears welled up in Zoey's eyes and she quietly walked away drowning in shame and self-loathing. She had tried so many ways to get slim like a twig, but all her efforts were futile. The doctor explained to her that she was just like that and to get thin she really had to work hard, however, that was not advisable for her health's sake. But her ignorant parents could do anything in their power for Zoey to not be fat.

It was lunchtime and Zoey's stomach growled in hunger. Though her high school was not typical and cliché, she was in the popular people's group because of her being rich and wearing expensive clothes that only a few could afford without bidding on their kidneys.

Her best friend chirped about the happy summer she spent and munched on the fries completely oblivious of Zoey's melancholy. All the others laughed while Zoey smiled ruefully at her lunchbox. Her lunch was four capsules which acted as supplements to her original meals.

Zoey popped the pills and gulped water. Her eyes swept over the people sitting with her and cracking frivolous jokes. She didn't really belong here, Zoey thought and got up. She excused herself and went to sit with a lone fat girl in the corner of the room.

"Why are you here?" Brittany asked, bit into an extra-large burger and scratched her fat arm.

Suddenly, Zoey found herself comparing with Brittany. Brittany was pretty with auburn hair, grey misty eyes, but she was fat just like her. Zoey tried to convince herself that she was not alone. There were many others just like her, desperately waiting to be thin. But Brittany's burger proved otherwise.

"You want to hang out with people your size?" Brittany asked and glanced at Zoey's friends. "They make you jealous of their skeleton figure, I see."

Zoey sighed and mumbled, "I don't really belong there, I just found out what most of them think about me. When we dress up before a party, they're all over me, feeding lies that I was curvy and not fat. That I was . . . "

She couldn't find her voice and swallowed a lump formed in her throat. Brittany offered her half-eaten burger which Zoey slowly pushed away.

"How can you eat all this stuff? Your folks allow you to eat?" Zoey asked gingerly and Brittany nodded.

"Burger is fixed for only once a month and all the other days I get healthy meals like fruits and veggies."

"Oh, but you get to eat fruits and stuff like that? Every day?"

"Of course, what do you think I'll eat then? Did we get to eat something right? Anyway, I look at food and I gain a pound. So there's no help for me," Brittany said nonchalantly and Zoey stared at her.

Zoey vaguely remembered the last time she ate a healthy meal was two weeks ago at her friend's house. Zoey was prohibited from consuming any food except tablet supplements and an apple.

The bell rang and Zoey silently walked to the massive auditorium. Today, there was a career counselling session where all the students and parents were invited. Zoey sat with her parents who didn't bother to even look at her for they were busy boasting about their prosperous business to other parents.

The session started and Zoey sunk in her chair to hide because the professor was asking questions regarding ambition to students. Eventually, the professor's eyes landed on Zoey and she was instructed to stand and a microphone was handed to her.

"Zoey, you're one of the bright students of our school. Tell me what you want to become?" the professor asked and Zoey bit her bottom lip in trepidation.

"Say, doctor," her mother hissed, but Zoey just stood there fiddling with the wire of the microphone.

"She wants to become thin!" Zoey heard a loud voice from behind and she whirled around.

All the people had a smug expression on their face as Zoey tried to search for the person who remarked. Some people giggled while others tried to muffle their laughter. Tears pricked her eyes and she sniffed quietly.

"Silence!" the professor announced in a frustrated tone and everybody sealed their mouth shut.

Zoey looked down at her parents who had their heads lowered in embarrassment. Zoey inhaled deeply and said in a shaky voice, "I don't want to be thin, I-I'm exhausted trying to be something that I'm not. Each day I wake up to the aroma of delicious breakfast, but my hopes to eat a proper meal seems like a distant dream. I survive on these supplements and I'm sick of it. Sometimes, I-I just want to grab a pair of scissors and cut all my fat to fit in. People judge when I eat, they make these snarky little comments and it hurts. It hurts to be me . . . "

There was absolute silence in the auditorium and Zoey could notice that everyone was shaken. All her bottled up emotions had finally found a voice. A voice so powerful that made everyone lower their heads in guilt.

"Good one, Zoey!" Brittany cheered delightfully and Zoey's lips twitched upwards.

"So Zoey . . . what do you want to become?" the professor asked in a low voice and smiled warmly at her.

"I just want to be . . . me."

"

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