Daring To Love

Dare To Love

Dear You, 

Yes, you, the one reading this now! Do you know what what makes you special? What seperates self from this big pile of human masses? Why would another pick you out of a crowd?  What would cause another to say, " This person is special, and these are the reasons above all else this is why I am drawn to this soul."  The thought occurs to me that you might not know that answer. This does not surprise me. There are many who feel broken, tarnished and unloveable. You who are battered and worn out from the sorrows and daily stress of the world, I want to share this with you. This is why I feel special, this is my greatest defining characteristic. I do hope it might bring healing and insight to you, reading about my journey and learning how my version of self differs from your own self. 

When I was a young toddler my mother once told me how there was not a single person I was afraid to speak to; there are no strangers in my world, only friends that I have not yet met. In my life there are friends, lovers, and cherished ones. I am often  seeking to add more to my circle. When I was 2, able to talk and walk and  choose  my decisions with clarity, I made it a point to spread love and light as often as possible. I talked to children, adults, strangers or neighbors, I just wanted to know people. 

On one such occasion, my mother had taken me to a park to play. Setting me down to play, I ran off, not looking back, just enjoying the moment of play and excitment. I was a streak of energy, a child of  joy, bouncing curls and a smile, running with fixation on nothing. I had no plans- only the motivation to play with new friends. After some time later I noticed a man near the outside of this park and not too far from me. Although,  Dirty and dishelved I took no notice of this and walked towards him. With a smile on my face, looking up and hands outstretched, I made motions for this man to pick me up and enjoy the hug of love I knew he so desperately craved. Frightened and shocked, my mother quickly rushed to my aide to stop this embrace. She was unaware that the man she saw as a dangerous bum, was only a lonely man in my eyes. I was confused at her upset and sad for this man who needed love.

Later in life, my mother told me that during the subsequent pregnancies of my siblings, when morning sickness was at its worst, I would find her kneeling by the toilet, dutifully  patting her on the back. My constant repeating phrase was " Its ok. I know, I know." How could I possibly know the pain she felt? How would I even have a clue what it felt to be 3 months pregnant, retching until blood came with spittle on lips and burning eyes? My compassion was boundless from birth and my desire to express love constant. 

In life, we do not get to choose the circumstances we are born into. I did not chose my parents. I did not choose my birthplace. As I grew older, I lived through more abuse than I could ever imagine existed. I witnessed abuse, agony, and angst. I learned intimately the depths and intensity to which depression, anxiety and pain could be felt. And through it all the desire remained to love and be loved. This desire to share with others, to deeply know and connect with others is a part of my soul. This is what makes me unique and undeniably different. A desire to love, and willingness to share, despite circumstances that could have made another bitter. My true self is loving, giving and compassionate. As I have grown older, this openness and willingness to love all who need it, shows in my deep connections with other people. It is not enough for me to say I care, I desire always to show that I care. I am connecting you with this divine joy of true love by expressing the purest form of compassion. I believe we are all connected, and all worthy of love. I believe love is not divisible, and not finite. My heart will love as many as I allow myself to love. In love, when a connection is placed with  a deep and truly open love which desires joy and healing and only goodnesss this connection will endure. In that love,  we are all connected to each other, and to the universal constant. 

This is me. I am a being of love and light, and, yes, you, You dear reader, are also full of this same love and light. You were made from the cosmos, a divine collection of earth and air and fire and matter-ashes of stardust and formed from what was an explosion of oneness. This oneness of your parents formed you. You are so full of love you cannot comphrehend it even if you tried. This love is what makes me, the me that is myself, exists because I am loveable. I am loveable because I exist. It is also, what makes you, you. You are loveable, as deserving of love, as I am. This is what makes us.