Daddy Issues - Johnnyboy

12 - It wasn't supposed to be like this

"I can't fucking find them-" He was cut off seeing the both of us. As soon as we held eye contact I could tell that he was worried, but under all of that concern was him fucking fuming. 

"Where the hell have you been?!" He boomed, and then the dizzy feeling came back again I couldn't tell if it was my senses that were overwhelming me or just Darry in general. I had to shut my eyes and clutch Ponyboy after he looked at me wildly, silently asking for my reassurance.

"We- We went to sleep, in the l-lot," I stammered, I looked up and everyone was looking at the both of us weirdly, and Darry stepped forward, fists clenched.

"You two, have been missing, for 3 fucking days. You've been in the lot for three days?!" Ponyboy perked, and his brows furrowed in surprise, I looked up at him bewildered. Three days!? How- what?!

"That's bullshit," I voiced, but it almost came out as a question. Ponyboy and I took a seat on the floor, sitting across from Soda, and Steve. Dallas was on a stool in the kitchen, Two-bit looked at me warily before casting his eyes downward. As Darry stared at us both the angry look faltered slightly, and he just looked confused.

"What were you two doing for three days?" He questioned warily, my eyes widened and I stammered. What was I gonna say?

"We had to get out," Ponyboy piped in, "So we went on a drive, I'm sorry we didn't tell you, Darry." Darry's eyes cast down at me, and I gave my best pitiful expression to add context onto his story to give it more sympathy points. He looks at me frustrated and worried but then turns to Ponyboy.

"Why wouldn't you guys let us know- or something! Why just leave us hanging like that? I almost called the police! I called one of Dallas' friends to try and find y'all because if we did call the damn cops then they would've put you all in a fucking boy's home." His breaths came out in pants telling us this, and Ponyboy just flinched at the tone. I looked at him and couldn't contain the anger that surged over me seeing him so intimidated from just him yelling, it reminded me of how I reacted with my mother and I gave a heated, angry glare.

"He's gone through a lot, we both have, give us a fucking break, Darrel," I said most of it through clenched teeth. I couldn't believe how angry I was all of a sudden. I hated feeling small like that, any authoritative voice now makes me feel violent, I don't ever want to feel that way again. I felt as if everyone had looked up at me right then. I could feel the eyes on me, clearly surprised of my outburst. But I didn't care, you can discipline your kid brothers, but don't try to do it with me. I'm not your fucking property. Ponyboy gave me a grateful look and put his hand over my shoulder, holding me tightly.

I looked up at Darry slowly, my face paling in realization but the anger still seethed underneath all this fear. If anything, the fear was igniting the flame in me and it was glowing brighter as the seconds passed. I never had ever called him Darrel, ever. I only ever call someone their full name when I'm angry, and I was pissed. Yeah, sure, we got wasted, it's time to set us straight, I understand but you will not make me bow down to your anger because of my own mistakes. 

"Johnny-" He started but I cut him off quickly, a surge of confidence coming forward.

"No, honestly, if you someone to blame, you yell at me, I dragged him along, I'm 19 I know better, right? I wanted him to come with me because I didn't want to feel alone, and I'm sorry we were gone so long, so that was my fault as well. But I just wanted us both to have a good time, to forget about all this fucking chaos you put up with every day and if that's a problem, then you come to me about it, you hear? This wasn't on him."

If you've ever stared directly at goldfish, there's this motion they do with their mouth in the water, If I ever managed to think of sound to imitate it, it would sound like 'glop'. So picture that,  except that's what everyone looked like at this moment, except they weren't making the noise I so desperately wanted to hear from them, but to my disappointment was interrupted by Ponyboy grabbing me. He looked at me warily, standing up, pulling me with him. I looked at him with my brows furrowed.

"I need to- I don't know- I just need to-" I cut him off by nodding, it was honestly weird how fast time went by, he wanted more, and so did I. So I decided impulsively that I was gonna make a scene, to get us out of the position of being reprimanded for our mistakes. Two-bit looked at me like he knew, like he just . . . knew. It was scary, how close someone can get into your head, it's like they witnessed something that was never meant to be seen, and just by him alone I felt like my mind was being picked at and without warning, I could feel myself snap.

"Now Johnny, calm yourself. You and I both know that that's not the issue, the issue, is that I was worried for both of you. I thought you two could've been killed or something." He said and I laughed loudly, catching them all off guard. I wished I was, would've made an interesting story, don't you think?

"Oh, because we're the youngest? The weakest? The most vulnerable? The stupid? The ones who just don't use their head? That right, Darry?" With every question that I asked, I took a step forward, cornering him. Dally's eyes widened and went into action, stepping in front of me and grabbing my collar roughly,

"Listen here, you little shit, he's just looking out for the both of you." He shoved me after he said it.

"This is fucking stupid. I don't need you, or anyone to look out for me! Okay? I don't even think you guys would even care if I fucking disappeared, honestly, I think you'd be nothing but thrilled, Dal! You want me to leave, don't you?! Well, fuck you and your 'concern'. I'm going to live exactly as I choose from now on, and that's starts by me fucking telling you like it is. So how 'bout you just leave me the hell alone." I growled, and Two-Bit stood up then.

"Don't you talk to us like that! We care about you and Ponyboy more than our own lives, Dally was getting ready to kill everyone in that bar to get to you two!" He yelled, I walked over to him, getting real close to his face.

"I can do whatever the hell I want. My folks don't give a shit about me, maybe you'd like Pony instead of me, hm?" My whisper was menacing and Ponyboy choked behind me,

"No! I'm going with you," Pony stepped up ad Soda made a noise in his throat.

"Look what you did, Johnny, Look at that! He fucking wants to go with!" Sodapop threw his hands in the air, and I just shook my head angrily.

"So he's not got a fucking brain of his own? You telling me that I make all of his fucking decisions? Fuck off, the both of you!"

"Why don't you tell 'em what you been doing to yourself, maybe then that'll show you that we care. Go on, tell them." Two-bit's eyes were furious but filled with hurt.

"What's he talking about, Johnny?" Ponyboy asked me, everyone looked up then. I felt like Two-Bit just laid me down fucking bare for everyone to see, everyone to know. I could feel the adrenaline pumping through my fists, and I swung directly at his face,

"You no good fucking scum! I told you not to ever bring that shit up!" I snarled at him I couldn't contain myself at this point, launching myself at him, Dally held me back after I got few good hits, grabbing me by the waist. I shoved him off wildly, he dropped me and I landed on my hands on the ground.

I don't know what's got me so angry-

"Its the least you can do, since you claim that we don't give a shit. Let's really see if they don't give a shit, do it, I fucking dare you." Two-bit challenged and I pondered, breathing heavily.

"Fuck you, Keith." I said, pulling up my sleeves, the bandages still tight on my wrist. Two bit's eyes were filled with guilt, and I looked at ponyboy before unwrapping both of the bandages.