Nothing Even Matters

1

Chapter 1: The past

I laid in the field smelling the flowers and watching bees fly away and land on the petals nearby. This was the most relaxed I've been since I gave birth to my baby girl Uriah. I just turned 21 not too long ago and now everything in my life was starting to come together in what I like to call my little bubble. It was just me and my baby in this little family. Nothing more, nothing less.

I was disowned by my family when I was 16 . I became pregnant and my family, being very religious as they are did not want to hear it.
I had been raped but never told my parents. I felt ashamed of what happened to me and I didn't know how to go to them with the truth. I have since found it in my heart that what happened was not my fault and that I need to be strong for Uriah. She needs me and staying closed in was not the most positive thing for my baby at the moment.

Yes I have my dark days but seeing her beautiful face makes everything worth living for. Since then I haven't been with a man. I have never been on a date because of fears. I'm getting better with being in public and being stared at because of my looks. I talk to people now and I even let Uriah out of my sight overnight.

From my standpoint I am a damn good mother, even with the past behind me in a safe and the combination forgotten. I can see the light ahead and plan for our future.

I don't have my mother and father but I have everyone else in my family who support me. Living with my grandmother until a stable enough job was set in place and found a apartment, things were falling into perspective. I was a mother taking care of a child. My grandmother furnished my entire apartment and to this day I don't know how to repay her. I can only say that Uriah is healthy, smart, and well taken care of. With the frequent visits to her home and to see her smile as we walk down her driveway is to me enough for her.

Snapping back into the real world and averting my attention back to Uriah, who sat on the blanket next to me playing with feathers on the kite. Her black curly hair on top of her head in a ponytail. She had big hazel eyes and dark chocolate skin that shone in the sun. She was my miracle baby. The pride and joy of my heart and the reason I breath today.

"Mama, can we fly the kite?" She held the kite directly in my eyeball. I think she might have pushed it into my brain if I didn't move fast.

The taller she got the more I wondered if she was actually five years old. Even if she was mine since I was extremely tiny.

We put the blanket and the food in the car and I put her kite in the air. It was a red and blue bird with feathers and a long plastic tail. She smiled and laughed the entire time it was in the air. I sat next to her looking at her with so much love and admiration. She is so innocent and pure.

I just smiled and watched the kite get higher and higher and listen to her giggles in the background.