numb- an exploration of my mommy issues.

1.

my mother and i haven't really clicked in ages. which sucks, when you're a teenage girl and the only person you really have is your mom.

(to elaborate, at this time i lived with my mother only, as my mother and father are separated)

i don't really blame my mother for not being able to be there for me all the time, though. she was a teen mom, i was born when she and my dad were 17 and they had both made it abundantly clear that they didn't want to spend the rest of their lives together and to be frank i wouldn't have it any other way. you know those people who "stay together for the kids"? obviously not a glamorous alternative. so while my father has always been active in my life, and he values family over all else, i only went to visit him briefly twice a week.

please don't get me wrong, teen parents deserve lots of credit. i'm nearly 16 and i couldn't imagine getting pregnant and having a kid in less than a year. that's a wild idea to me; i'm a child myself, and to act like i've got it all together and teach everything i've just barely learned to an entirely new being is so stressful and there's a lot of pressure. teen parents have it bad, from their potentially unsupportive peers and families to juggling school and work and your child. it's a disaster. but my issues with my mom are entirely unrelated to the fact that she was young when she had me because like i said, i at least give her credit for that.

my issues with my mom lie with her as a person. her manipulative nature, her tendency to lie, her judgmental comments and looks, and how nothing i do is ever good enough for her.

this journal-y thing will contain stories that might be sensitive to some people. please keep in mind that i'm safe and nothing too terrible ever happened to me. and also please cut my mother some slack, because this whole parenting thing was brand-new to her and she can't have been expected to get this parenting thing down pat.

thank you.