Philophobia *Nova and Deetranada AU* (discontinued.)

Quatro

Summer/ Fall '16 August 31st

It was only a few weeks ago when when first walked in the house. I won't go into vivid details, because you know what happened, but to say I was elated is an understatement.

I walked in and conversated with Jermaine and I heard the door open and voices. Your voice to be completely vivid...you're voice.

"Nova?!?!" I said excited, I was finally seeing you again. I wish you would've told me you'd be here especially since we talked about how I'd be on the show.

Summer '16 June 24th

I sat with you at the same spot as the night before, as we had texted all last night.

That day we told each other about out dreams and aspirations. The love for rap we both had, surprisingly. I told you about  "The Rap Game,"  and how I had finally got on the show.

"I never heard of that," you told me. And I wish I would've been able to tell you were lying, because it's apparent to me now that you did know. And now you're here.

And I showed you my bar book, consisting of all my personal raps about how I really felt about the world. I told you everything that ever crushed me.

I told you about being teased and how strong I had to be to stand up for myself, since no one else would.

I told you everything that hurt my soul. About how hard it hit me when all these people in Baltimore died because of law enforcement, and the police got no time.

How I had got my heart broken by past relstionships.

And you told me, maybe the biggest lie out of them all, that night. You promised me, "Dee, I'll never be like them, I'll never hurt you."

And I think what hurts me know is the fact that you knew you where lying. You looked me in my eyes and held my face in your hands and lied to me.

I'll never let myself forget about it, I feel dumb every time my mind wonders back to that place...because I was actually dumb enough to believe you.

That night was the first time you kissed me, right after you told me that lie. It was pure ecstasy then, but now? The moment is haunting to me because I know how you worked the situation.

You told me a pretty lie and then took advantage.  How could you? That's another question I ask myself at 4 am in the morning when it becomes all too real for my mind.

"You  promise Nov?"

"I'm not them, I care about you," "I'm not them," you repeated.

You  held my face gently in your soft hands and looked me in my eyes...and this time I let you. My first kiss...with you...a person I had just met, yet it felt like I had known you for years.

Your lips moved in perfect sync with mine and they danced together under the stars. It was beyond anything I had ever felt before and for the first time in a while, I was happy. Something I hadn't been in a few years....