Chapter - Heartbreak

           

Yellow leaves crackled underfoot. That's the only sound that I could remember. I didn't remember the rain pouring onto me. I didn't remember the sound of the once terrifying thunder. I knew I was walking but I don't think I could see anything in front of me. The only thing I could see was Elena. My lips were pressed against a cigarette as hers were pressed on another's. Where do I go now? How do you just throw 8 months away? I knew that I fell too hard to begin with but she assured me that it was alright. She told me she loved me. She made me feel so full, full of love and now I'm empty. Full of so many organs inside of me, yet empty.

How did I miss the signs? Because I was blinded by love. The extra hours of dancing. Really? Some great dancing, she was doing. I think this all started a month ago. The twenty-third. Exactly a month ago. She started drifting off, but I was too hooked to realise.  I drove to her house for half an hour to surprise her with flowers and chocolates for our 8 months. I walked through her porch to see if the door was locked because I had organised with her mum to surprise her while she was 'at dancing'. This was the night. Our night. We've been waiting for a perfect night forever. Which is why I had to assure her parents all the way in California working, that I wouldn't be staying over. I would of. But I guess not anymore. I've never liked surprises. I guess now more than ever. Surprising her or surprising me? Was I too harsh to her? No. She deserved it. She deserved every single word I told her. She was disgusting. Was I not good enough?

Twenty-third of March. I remember the day you froze over. The day everything changed. When the vibe we had changed. Or maybe it was just the vibe you had that changed. That's the day I should have stepped my game up. Our seven months. It was at school and I bought her flowers as I do every month and gave them to her at school. She looked embarrassed. Why was she embarrassed? We spent nearly every day together and there had been a few other anniversaries where I brought her gifts at school. She was always with her posy. Their faces would glow up but not as angelic as hers would. But this time she was alone. With her friends gawking from a distance. She would tell me that she had problems with them and how I was the only one that stood by her. I was all she had. We had nearly all the same classes as well. We both wanted to do the same thing after high school. Open an animal shelter. She had such a rich heart. I thought I was a good person. I put her before my family for goodness sake. The image of another male kissing her sweet rosy cheeks hits me as I have a tears kissing mine. The hands of another around her waist, as I feel like my insides are slowly eating me alive.

Our last month together was chaotic. Argument after argument after argument. Over nothing. We weren't the type to argue over little stuff. Yet she always had something to start about. Like she was asking for it. She wanted to argue. I could see the hurt in her eyes. One day we went to a park a street away from her house that we always spent time together at. We would always play fight and laugh. We just had the best memories. But then the arguing started again. I think it was the worst fight we had. She had gone silent after a while and I wanted to know what was wrong. She wouldn't tell me but it was my duty to care for her. I guess it was my fault that I was pushing her to tell me because then she got mad and started shouting. And then it was just us in the middle of a cyclone. Loudest silence that I ever heard after. We sat there for about 15 minutes until I finally talked. "Is it me?" "What?" she replied. "What did I do Elena? Is it me or is it you because this arguing is making our relationship toxic and if I did anything wrong I want to ..." "It's not" She said walking away. So was it her? Wouldn't I know? Wasn't I supposed to be the judge of that? "You aren't helping this relationship." I yelled. "What does that even mean Grayson?" Now she was crying. But I was crying before she started. "Do you even want to be with me?" There was a long pause. "Yes." And then she was gone. I wanted to rip my hair out of frustration. I wanted to chase after her but I didn't. I didn't understand. Did she understand? How much I loved her. A relationship can't function without communication. I tried so hard. Everyone knew how hard I tried to keep her happy. I put away my problems to help hers. But what does she do? Afterwards we talked things out and I was positive that if we could get past such a horrific fight during this relationship, we'd get through anything. 8 months full of nothing but love yet that wasn't enough for her. My love for her and only her wasn't enough. She was selfish. She is selfish.