The Wait Without Her

Day 1

It's been hell im hoping I'll get through it without her.

As I got new blades out of the box I put them in the shower. I hopped in hoping that I could clear my brain. But I couldn't stop staring at the sharp new blades. I picked it help and held it against my white skin. I started to think of her and my promise and I couldn't do it. I dropped the blade and it hit the bottom of the tub hard.
Heading to my room. I grabbed her sweatshirt that I still have and never really plan on giving away or giving back. I hold it to my face... damn it still smells like her. I wish it actually was her and not some dumb sweatshirt. I slip the sweatshirt over my head and crawl in bed. Staring at the ceiling just thinking of what I could have done better was I good enough. Did everything she say true?
I knew deep down I was a terrible girlfriend. I should have gave her more. She doesn't love me anymore and it's my fault why.
When she says that when I'm 18 we will meet in "our spot" but things change. She is gonna find a new girl someone she actually loves. And I'll be left behind just like always. I lost the best thing that has ever happened to me. I look at pictures of us and of her and I die inside. Thinking of all this made a tear fall onto the teddy bear she gave me for Valentine's Day. I still have everything she gave me. The first red bull cup she gave me at school. I know it's silly but it was what was written on it that made it special. The little notes she wrote on the candy. I rose she gave me even tho it was fake it would still live forever. Just like our love. Or so I thought. I held the teddy bear tighter and tighter till I bursted into tears. I have officially felt like my life was over