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Chapter One

I haven't been eating much lately, or sleeping now that I think of it. Life has just been weird without him here, I can feel him not being here . My parents think I'm crazy for saying I'm in love with the guy, but how would they know? They're not inside my head. We might share the same bloodline, but that doesn't mean they can feel my heart skip when I hear his name. Lucas. Lucas Greenwald. The boy that changed my life forever . I remember meeting him . It was August 23rd and I was walking around in the library angrily because Mrs.WantsToBeAPainInTheButt told me I had to read at least one book this school year. Almost all of the half not going to put you to sleep ones were taken, except one. The Perks of Being Abnormal was on the top shelf, and as I ran to grab it, so did Lucas. "Give it!" I shouted. He grunted and replied, " I was here first! Find your own book!" It took me 15 minutes until I said we could just share the book. Everyday in the hall he got closer to me, slowly and quietly he would sneak in little questions like, "What do you want to be when you're older?", or "How many kids would you like?" I'd always laugh and brush them off my shoulder, never really connecting the dots. We didn't become friends until April 4th, the day my life really began. Now granted, I get it, a 16 year old girl falls for her first 17 year old boyfriend, blah blah stupid mistakes , fairytale ending, but it wasn't like that. He was different. He accepted me for who I am, flaws and everything. Those people don't just walk around the corner everyday anymore now do they? I used to see him everyday. Walked each other to school, snuck out of class every so often to see each other, walked each other home, texted until each one of us was safely home, talked till dinner, messaged after dinner, said goodnight, and repeated the next day. We used to be inseparable. But then everything changed after this one summer, the summer I hate. The summer is now, summer of 2013. I haven't talked to him yet today, which hasn't happened once the entire year and half I've known him. I miss him. The physical missing of someone that's worse than girly cramps because you know they can last longer than a week? Yeah, well I've had them for about six days straight, even when I'm sleeping! My gut hurts, so I don't eat. My legs feel weak and I have to hold onto the rails and walls to keep my balance. I haven't slept in about four days and the bags under my eyes continue to swallow up my face. I just need a "hi" from him, to know he's okay. I slug around my room with blasted Katy Perry music to keep my mind on my definition of calm or sane. Just a "hi," a simple two letters that will take half a second to type and a full second to send. Please, no response. Where could he be? I text him hello and there's no answer. This isn't like him. I grunt out of frustration and decide to go outside for some fresh air. Funny how he was standing on my porch right when I opened the door. His expression is odd. You know that look crooks get on their face when being interrogated, even though they're obviously guilty? That was his expression. Almost smug , I wanted to slap it right off his face the second I saw it. "Lucas what's wrong?" I ask. "We need to talk" he says. He pulls my hands into his palms and stares at them for a few seconds, squeezing them tighter and tighter. So tight that the circulation begins to cut off. "Lucas stop, stop! You're hurting me!" I yell. He let's go out of frustration. "I'm sorry , I"m sorry! I could never hurt you I'm sorry!" he says. I look at him strangely. I take his hands and wrap them around my waist. "I know you'd never hurt me. Now what's wrong? You're scaring me! You know how worried I've been the past few days?!" I say. He rips my face into his hands. "Your eyes, so red. Lips dry. When did you sleep last?" he asks. "I......I don't know. sometime last week?" I say. He kisses my nose and sits me down on my lawn. The anticipation is killing me. "I gotta get out of here for awhile. This place, it just doesn't feel right anymore. I need a break from everything"he says. "A break?"I ask. "Everyone's all up on me about college and how I'm not focused enough on my future. Its so stupid how you're expected to know in 18 years what you want to do for the next 38 years of your life. I can't take all this anymore"he says. "So what do you want to do?" I ask. He moves closer to me and puts the loose strands of my hair behind my ear. He smiles at the birthmark on my left cheek off to the side that is the shape of a smiley face almost, but then his smile fades, and he becomes serious again. "I want to run away. No, I have to run away"he says. I concentrate on the words he's saying. We always talked about how we planned to get out of this stupid town and have kids and just runaway to a nicer place, what's the harm in going a few years earlier than planned? "Okay, I'll run away with you. When do you want to leave?" I ask. "Amelia, Sweetheart, that's the problem. I.........I have to leave without you"he says.... . . .. . .. .