So... A whole day single. I don't know what to write. I broke up with my girlfriend last night. Correction; she broke up with me. I tore so much hair out last night, I had to clean it all up so no one would know or ask any questions. I don't want to look like I've totally lost the plot. We even arranged to meet up in august. I was going to actually meet her; we were only two months away. Now look at where we're at.
I'd signed up to start volunteering at an animal shelter a few days ago because my parents were finally considering letting me have a dog. A family friend worked there too and lived nearby so she could drive me there; so she rung up this morning and my dad woke me up about it. I refused at first because I felt so fucking terrible but my mum nagged me into doing it eventually. I had half an hour to get ready by that time though. In retrospect it was a good idea going, it gave me something to do for the day. I have no idea what I'd have done without it.
I swear to god the single worst moment of today was eating my breakfast in front of my mum. I sat there at the table with her to my left. The whole time I was on the verge of bursting out into tears. I wanted to tell her what had happened but I just couldn't scoop up the guts to do it. I've never felt so shitty in my entire life. I just wanted a hug or something, just anything.
We eventually got to the animal shelter and I got to walk some dogs. It was kind of therapeutic just being outdoors and taking a stroll with some pups; it was a nice new experience. I picked up my first poop today, mainly with my bare hands. I'll have to work about a better method if I ever get a dog. I thought a lot about getting Amy back. She said she didn't love me, but I'm sure I can turn that around; it's not completely lost, not yet. It can't be.
I got home and played some terraria with a friend I'd picked up the week earlier. He gave me some advice about the whole situation and it was appreciated, but I don't think it's right for the kind of relationship I have with Amy. He told me that I shouldn't talk to her for a while, but before we were together, she and I were great friends; and she told me it'd go back to those days. I guess I'm okay with that. He also showed me this site where I can meet new people; I signed up and already got a few messages so that's kind of fun I guess.
I did end up talking to Amy a bit on skype too, it was alright and I think she's doing fine. I just hope it stays like this. The group chat seemed quite alive.
I wasn't very hungry for dinner so I didn't eat much. That's just what I need right now; I'm already nearing anorexia and now I can barely eat. Hopefully this'll fix itself soon. Hopefully this'll all fix.
