If Red Means No, Invert The Color

Chapter 7

"It isn't because of you, you know." I blurt out.

He turns to me with a questioning look on his face.

"I mean me not.. You know. I just.. Haven't ever done that before. And I want to be able to actually make you feel good, and I have no idea what I am doing when it comes to all of this. This is all new to me. But, I totally would. With you, I mean."

I could feel my face going hot, but I needed to get that out.

He places a hand on my knee. "Ev. I know, I wasn't taking it as a personal thing. I trust you not to hurt me."

My heart skipped a beat. "I'd never hurt you. I have no plans to, and I don't want to. I'm just.... I'm so confused Kieran. But, I want to try something, okay?" I ask, shifting my body so I was facing him. He tosses his cigarette out of the window and turns too, placing his hands in his lap and his bad leg on the other side of the bed, his good one now crossed in front of him.

I placed my hand on his shoulder. "Stop me, if you want me to stop. I just. I want to do this now, not spontaneous or unplanned. I want to be able to feel my emotions and understand them, okay?" He nods.

I scoot closer, our knees touching. I was cross legged, facing him, both of my hand snow on his shoulders. I had crossed the line of my curiosity the other night in the park, but this time I was curious about my actual feelings, more than just actions. And I wanted to see how far my feelings would take me. My hand glided up to his cheek, and I bring his face closer to his. My eyes were lost in his, then they drifted down to his lips, then they closed, and I kissed him. He tasted of cigarettes and coffee, and of me. I kissed him with all the passion I had in me, but it came so naturally, and felt so right. My mind went blank and my heart sped up to an alarming rate. I tangled my fingers into his curls, bringing him even closer, deepening the kiss. I could feel his tongue grazing against my lips and I mirrored his actions. I could feel myself getting excited again, but I felt something else too. This felt right, his lips molded against mine. My whole body felt like it was on fire, and I wanted to keep burning until I turned to ash.

I pressed on his chest, us both tumbling down onto my sheets, my body straddling his. He groaned as I pressed my body against his, our lips never parting. The room suddenly felt a lot hotter, despite the autumn air flowing into the room through the open window. My hands wandered his bare chest, careful not to hurt him.

He pressed on my chest and I pulled away. "Everest. You don't have to keep going if you don't want to." The air was heavy.

I kissed his cheek softly. "What if I want to?"

My voice was low, I almost didn't recognize myself. I could feel something pressing against my inner thigh.

"Then keep going." He panted, kissing me again.

I groaned and grinded down into him, my lips colliding with his almost hungrily. It was like I had no more control, but what little bit of thought my brain was able to produce was telling me to keep going, I was okay with what I was doing, and I didn't want it to stop anytime soon. This all involved no thought, and I loved it. 

I could feel Kieran tugging at the ends of my shirt, and I pulled away momentarily, taking my shirt off completely. I sat still for a moment, and suddenly felt very exposed, contrary to our previous exploitations. He was staring at me; his hands roaming my chest, like before, but something was different about it this time. This time no longer felt like 'bros helping bros'. This felt more intimate.  "Why are you looking at me like that?" I ask. 

Kieran smiles. "Because, I've never been with anyone like you before. Your body is perfect. It's a little intimidating." 

I roll my eyes and kiss Kieran's neck again, softly at first, his skin burning against mine. "You're beautiful, Kieran. Every inch of you. Inside and out." I murmur in between kisses. And I meant that.  I used my teeth occasionally, nipping at his tattooed skin. I wanted to leave marks and kiss every inch of him; I wasn't sure as to why. I had slept with Monica many times, but I was never really interested in the foreplay of it all. I could care less about her body. Nothing about her was significant to me to appreciate. Yet, she's who I gave it up to. 

"Really?" he asks, looking up at me, pushing me away slightly. That broken look came to his eyes again, and he sat up, forcing me to get off of his lap. "Everest, listen. I know you're confused but, I don't want to be just an experiment to you, if I am, don't be saying things like that."

I was about to try to convince him otherwise, but I hear the garage door opening.