Jackaby Stories

20. If It Were Me

A/N: I'm so so sorry for not updating sooner!!!! Ugh, I feel horrible now. But I hope you enjoy this one, and thank you for over 800 reads!!!!!!! WOW!

Warnings: Sad, again. I'm in kind of a sad story rut. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Jackaby's POV:

The first time I saw Charlie Cane I knew he would make me sad.

No, don't get me wrong, I think he's great. But the way Abigail looks at him... I know she'll never look at me that way. I want her too. Lord, I want her too. She doesn't notice, when I look at her. If it were me...

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The second time I saw Charlie Cane, he was smiling breathlessly at Abigail. She had kissed him. And I knew I was right. He did make me sad. But more than that, he made me jealous. I should have told her, Abigail, I should have told her I loved her so much sooner, because it hurt. But I didn't say anything, even after that. How could I? She was happy. That's all that mattered to me. I wanted her to be happy, even if I wasn't. If Charlie Cane made her happy, so be it. I felt sick the rest of the week, and I avoided her as much as possible. Not that she were there all that often. If it were me...

~ ~ ~

The third time I heard from Charlie Cane was in a letter. Abigail had moved to live with him. I didn't see her very often, anymore. She wrote me letters, and reading them made me empty. I missed her, so, so much. But she was happy. How could I take that away? Charlie stopped by, every once in a while when he wasn't working at the station, and every time I forced a fake smile to my face. But it hurt. After all, the saddest people smile the brightest. If it were me...

~ ~ ~

The fourth time I heard from Charlie Cane was also in a letter. I suppose it wasn't from him directly. But it was an invitation. To Abigail's wedding. Scanning to the bottom of the page, tear stains soaking through the signature. Abigail Cane. It sounded nice. And I suppose some part of me was happy for her. I buried my head in my hands, cursing myself for not having said something sooner. If it were me...

The day of the wedding, I nearly didn't go, and I felt sick. But I still went, straightening my tie and my smile, locking it in place on my face as I walked Abigail walk down the isle of the small church, a bright smile on her face. She was gorgeous, she always had been. I was happy for her. Of course I was. But it hurt. I would have almost preferred to have been stabbed. At least I could black out then. But life doesn't work like that. And when you can see things like I do, you learn to know when things work and when they don't. And it just wouldn't work for me.

But if it were me... I imagined myself in Charlie's place, for a minute, and I was the happiest man on earth. But I snapped myself back to reality.

If it were me...