13 Reasons Why ~ Alex Standall: Taped Over

Chapter 3 - Tape 1 Side B

17:45

"Welcome back. So glad you're still listening. Are you having fun? You must be wondering who's next, and why. Is it you? What did you do? How did you end up on these tapes? Maybe you did something cruel. Or maybe you just watched it happen. Maybe you didn't even realise you were being cruel."

My head skips a beat. A lump forms in the back of my throat; large and stubborn.

"Or maybe you did nothing at all. And maybe you should have. Too late. I think you know exactly what you did. And after these tapes you'll never forget. I know I won't."

My stomach throbs with pain. As if someone has taken a knife through it. Maybe they have... just metaphorically. Or maybe, this is my fault, just as Hannah says. Everything seems that way. But what did I do wrong?

"Friendship. It's complicated."

No. No, no, no, no, no. It can't be.

"But don't worry, you won't go through this alone,"

Tears are tumbling down my cheeks. My time has come. This must be my tape.

"That's not fun. Trust me, I've been there. Now it won't always be easy. It might even hurt a bit."

"Like you hurt me," my head argues.

"Maybe a bit more than a bit. That depends on you. But fear not, we'll get through this."

"Really? Because I'm not so sure,"
Stop. Just stop. I need to stop. But I can't. The thoughts rush out of me without warning. They are cold; heartless nonetheless, served with a side of truth. Bad truth. Evil truth. I bite my lip; hard and forcefully, until it bleeds.

"Jessica Davis, this one's for you."

Monets: One year ago

I look at them both. Two diamonds. Beautiful and sparkling. I couldn't take my eyes off of them. I remember seeing them here yesterday. The girl with the coffee-coloured skin catches me. Embarrassed, I stare back down at the book I'm reading. After much discussion, they walk over to my table and sit down. I glance up at them; nervous.

"Umm... hey." I begin.
"Hey,"
"Hey,"
"We saw you staring at us and wondered which one of us you were checking out." The girl asks, her friend holding back a smile.
"Oh. I wasn't," I say flatly.
"Oh come on. Don't play dumb. Do we look dumb?"
"No." I rush to say, afraid they might take offence. Then I realise that if I want to get off on the right side with these girls I'll have to pretend to be cool.

"I mean, no." Yeah, that'll do it.
"Have you ever heard of the male gaze?" The girl with long, brown locks questions.
"The..." I think for a moment. "No."
"Well, we have,"
"And we're not totally sure what it is, but you have it."
I smirk, maybe even blushing a little.

"You should at least explain why you're sitting alone."
"My friend thinks that makes you weird. Are you weird?"
I look at them both. Fear rolls over me. If I give a wrong answer I may lose out on two friends.
"Well..." I begin, running over thoughts in my mind.  "I can't objectively answer the "weird" thing but I'm sitting alone because I just moved here. I don't know anybody."
Strangely, I told the truth, and, it sounded okay.