Inspiration, Creation and Desperation

Nicotine Boy

Why are you awake?

Everything except the crickets are asleep.

You should be home.

Wrapped in warm blankets while your eyes grow heavy with a book in your lap.

Why are you alone?

If your mother were here she would wrap her arms around you tightly, smothering you in a warm, soft embrace.

Go to her.

Let her tell you that she loves you,

before she leaves you,

forever.

Why do your shoulders sag like that? Why do you wrap your arms around your body and squeeze so very hard?

Does that mean you're cold?

Does the frosty night air send chills down your spine?

Put on a sweater or you'll become ill.

If not, you should go back inside.

It's long past your bed time.

You silly boy...

Please?

Why do you do none of these things?

Instead you raise a cigarette to your lips, while the tip burns bright red within the darkness. You take a long breath. You let the poison enter you. You let it blacken your lungs and stain your mouth with its filthy, disgusting, ashy taste.

Why do you cry?

Please, wipe away the tears that stream down your face.

I know, the weight on your shoulders hurts. Painfully cutting deeper every single day. Becoming heavier over time. Too heavy.

I'm so, so sorry. I want to bear it with you so much. So unbelievably much.

But I can't.

You have to walk the hard, rugged path of your life without me.

Alone.

While I fade within a veil of mist.

Please don't lift that thing to your lips. Don't let the nicotine hold you in its grip. Turn back. Walk away to happier times and fly away.

Why can't you see!? Does the black dust that floats so freely from that thing, blind you as well as suffocate you?!

Stop.

Please stop.

You careless, hopeless, drowning boy.

I know I can't help you, stop you or save you.

But I desperately want you to save yourself.

Even though you don't.

I know you won't.

But I watch.

Silent.

As you, my nicotine boy, play with your nicotine toy and wish your worries away with the smoke.

**************************

Author's Note: Story Behind the Story

Hello! My name is Sara! And I would like to thank you for reading my very first.... story? Poem? I'm not really sure. This was actually inspired by a real life person, one of my close friends. Honestly, I'm worried about him, but I can't really do anything except use him as my inspiration. Many parts were made up, but I feel that the passion was definitely there. This is also a type of early draft of a story that I really want to write. It's still in the beginning stages so I won't post anything yet, but I've got a summary and a title! So I'll give it to you in the next part. 

(May 4, 2017)