I don't know why I even bother going to school anymore. I don't learn anything anyway. However I do lose more and more self esteem each and every day. It's not even like I'm being bullied. Just the thought that everywhere you look, everywhere you are, there are eyes. Eyes are always watching you. Judging you.
I guess I've always just hated eyes. The way they stare at you. The way they change. The way they can give you away, sell you out. The way they open up my insides to the world.
As I walk down the school hallway, I notice everyone's eyes. They aren't even looking at me, but I'm still aware of them. Maybe I'm an attention hog. Maybe I want to have everyone's eyes on me. Wow that's so terrible. I should just rot in hell. I'm an attention freak who can't not have the spotlight on her at all times....I'm just a terrible whore who....sorry.
When school's over (nothing important happens in school so why bother putting the classes in my story y'know?) I walk home and throw my backpack right onto the couch in the living room and run for my safe haven. The little tree outside my house.
My tree is small, only around 6'5" tall. But I still love it for what it is. When I was 10 years old, I came out here and decided that it was the perfect place for a fort. I got some old sheets and a long log. I propped up the log in a fork in the tree and draped the sheets over it. It looked like a hurricane came through a log cabin but for me it was the best thing in the whole wide world. Today I have the sheets nailed down and a waterproof cover over it. I usually have a stack of books out there waiting for me to open them and get lost.
Today is different though. I can't get lost in Panem or Terabithia. I'm too distracted. Distracted by those eyes, those terrible eyes. I know someone's always watching, even if it's myself. I keep looking over my insides, at what other people's eyes can't see. And I hate it. I hate every part of it.
