Loved and Learned.

Wow.....this girl is a stalker...

           Back in 2010, I had started my fanpage. Nothing big, just a place to post about my favorite things here and there. But as 2011 came around, and the creation of ABC's 'Once Upon A Time' happened, I fell in love with Ginnifer Goodwin. Only the most gorgeous Tennesseean woman I'd ever seen! So, of course I had based the entirety of my account to focus on the incredible gift to this earth that is G.G. Dallas. After almost a year of being an anonymous admin, I decided a face reveal was in order. So, I finally gathered up the courage to post my semi-pubescent face, covered in make-up and hair done for a dance competition the day before. I had received some very sweet comments about how I was 'so pretty!' And of course the oh-so-basic heart-eye emoji. But that day, something felt different. This account had gone through every single one of my pictures and liked and commented until I could only have imagined their thumbs bled. It was nice, I'll admit, but it just felt....weird. The account didn't stop there though, commenting on open roleplays, tagging me in their posts, trying to get me to roleplay with them.  And around this time, my roleplay Charming turned roleplay Killian had been 'grounded' or had 'left for a few months' for some unknown reason. But after continuing to ignore this annoying account, I felt as though God himself had saved me from this....this STALKER when my Charming came back! It was such a godsend I was in literal tears. But 'he' was acting completely different, not that I cared, but he was. It never really crossed my mind until he told me to follow some account.....THE account. THAT account. HE, SHE, THEIR account. And I did.....but what happened after that wasn't at all what I expected. Because after that, the stalking stopped. The comments never came back in. The likes were rare. Maybe....they just stopped liking me? I couldn't tell. But all I knew was that I had MY Charming back. The Charming that I was OBSESSED with. One could say that I was in love with this Charming for the sheer fact that I was territorial, and protective, and batshit crazy over this Charming. And we weren't even together in real life! But, God, did it feel just....right. Right to keep him to myself. Right to be completely against anyone who even tried to talk to him. And right to talk to. It wasn't until several months later, when we had sent videos to each other over the new direct messaging system for Instagram to tell each other how we feel about each other. That was the first time that I was ever truly hurt. I was hurt worse than when my ex-step father touched my underage body. I was hurt worse than when my mother beat me with a riding crop and a ping pong paddle. I was hurt worse than when I found out that my father wasn't my father and that I have four sisters I'd never met. I was hurt worse than when a certain family member (who, for the safety of this, will remain unnamed) decided it would be a 'fun game' to sit me in the room and force me to watch them have sex with my mother against both of our wills. Five words. Five fucking words broke me as a person. 'Bitchy, clingy, needy, kinda slutty..' those were the words that were said to me from who I saw as the love of my whole life through my screen. And then, I found out. 'He' was a girl. She only role played as a boy. Two types of heartbroken in one single day. But that's only the beginning of an absolutely crazy, amazing, messed up, beautifully chaotic relationship, with many, many more chapters to come.