Skulduggery Pleasant One-Shots

Torture

Valkyrie stood up as the man walked in.

"Hi," she said, smiling.

The man didn't reply. He went to the table at the wall to the right, and placed his bag on it.

"Nice bag."

He looked up, but again, didn't say anything. He was trying to seem intimidating, Valkyrie thought. If he was, it really wasn't working. It just made him look like he was sulking. He was probably sulking. He looked back down at the bag, and unzipped it slowly.

She sighed. This was going to take a while. "What's your name?" she asked.

He muttered something.

"Sorry?" she took a step towards him. As she did so, the chains securing her to the stone wall rattlerd behind her. Valkyrie smiled. It was all so... medieval

He hesitated, then turned. He puffed out his chest. "Infinity Lord, Destroyer of Men."

"Hi Infinity Lord, Destroyer of Men. I'm Valkyrie."

"I know," he snapped. Infinity Lord Destroyer of Men turned back to the bag and pulled out a hammer, followed by garden shears.

"Infinity Lord Destroyer of Men?"

"Don't talk."

"Infinity Lord Destroyer of Men?"

"I said don't talk."

"Infinity Lord Destroyer of Men?"

He turned again. "What?"

"Your name's silly." Infinity Lord Destroyer of Men looked annoyed. She widened her eyes. "Oh," she said. "I'm so sorry. Did I offend you?"

He glared.

"I really am sorry," she said as sincerely as she could without cracking a smile. "Can I ask you a question?"

"No."

"Did your parents know you were going to be a lackey?"

"What?"

Valkyrie smiled a smile she would usually reserve for incredibly stupid children and repeated her question slowly. "Did your parents know you were going to be a lackey? I mean, you're working for them, right?"

"Well, yes, but... I'm not a lackey, okay? We're on an equal... You're not allowed to talk. They told me not to let you talk."

She raised an eyebrow. "You just proved my point for me," Valkyrie smiled. "Infinity Lord Destroyer of Men, I don't think Infinity Lord Destroyer of Men is your real name."

"Shut up."

"It's a misnomer. You're not an infinity lord. You're someone that some very angry people sent after me because they're too lazy to do it themselves."

"My parents are very busy-"

"Yeah, I know. Too busy with ending the rest of the world, blah de blah, etcetera etcetera. I know! What do you think, about the whole I'm going to kill the world thing?"

"None of it matters. No one matters. Opinions are nothing. Values are meaningless."

"Then why are you being ordered around by your mam and dad?"

"I'm not," he snapped. He spun on his heel and picked up the shears. He walked up to her, stopping a few inches away.

"Personally, I think it's pretty dumb. Nihilism... It's basically another word for stupidity. If you really think that values and opinions mean nothing, why are you here?"