Once a broken heart always a broken heart

Chapter 1

                                                                                                           Chapter 1

       When I was small my mother would always tell me ' when i was your age my parents told me too go and get a man that was rich and powerful never choose the ones with the good looks because those would always be chosen and i would be left looking like a fool and be left poor.' Another thing she told me was, ' The only way to really get what you want is having a man wrapped around your finger and you'll be able to do anything, like what you would do with a puppet.'

When I told her that's a be a wicked and cruel way to get what you want. She answered back in a far distant voice as if she was replaying a distant memory in her head 'That's the only way to survive. There's two choices 1) you can either learn and adapt no matter the costs. Or you die. Its that simple.'

The harshness in her voice made me realise that when I get older I wont be living the lives like my books say but I'll be fighting to stay alive and fight for my life and if I get any my children's too like my mom does for me.

My mother then always ends up ending all the conversations by saying ' Don't ever love a person because the moment you do you wont be able to leave there side no matter how you try because if you do end up falling in love and you'll be the puppet and your so called "LOVE" will leave you all alone and heartbroken with a baby and the worst of all you'll have to keep stealing and having sex with every man you see so you can survive so open your eyes because all of those books you read even if they say based on a true life there all fairy tales in the end.' The way she sneered love made me want to cringe away from her because if looks could kill i would be buried 12 ft below the ground.

Instead of doing that I just walked out of the room and left too mine where i could stay in peace at.I left to my bathroom where my jumbled thoughts stayed glue to me. That's even worse than the time my cousin glued his lips together and not being able too talk for 2 weeks straight that must have been hard on him poor child. That's really the only memory i have of any family that my mother because my mom doesn't like to visit anyone because there so noisy. But i now the real reason its because my mom is a prostitute and I'm going to follow in her steps in 2 years from now and her parents well everyone is ashamed of her dragging me into her life. (technically 1 year because i'm almost 17 but still.)

I look at myself and sigh i really do want too fall in love one of theses days, have children but like my mom said ' you have to face reality your not in any fairytale story. Wake up' I look myself in the reflection and feel the tears start to force there way out of my eyes,but i force them down. I hear a nasty thought come up in my head saying 'How can anyone like you your so ugly and fat, your even follow your moms steps. Pshhh you think your something too look at. Its your body that everyone wants not your personality and the real you learn the difference.' It hurt and left a sting but I knew the truth even if it came from me deep down inside I knew everything my mom and me were doing was wrong that didnt stop her,  and i didnt stop her from stopping.

Well i guess I should introduce myself by starting with my name which is Caroline Tristesa  James. My middle name is weiird well sounds weird because its in spanish.My mom told me that it means sad. Why such a weird and ugly middle name I dont know. I have long brown hair that reaches all the way too my mid-back that i really adore because its naturally straight but sometimes feel like killing because sometimes when i wake up it looks like a birds nest its like what the hell happened opps sorry i tend to ramble a lot it happens when i don't think very much of something or there's not really anything to talk about I'm doing it again. Right back too describing me (wow that sounded so conceded.) i am fairly tall I'm 4'8. I have meat in the right places if you get what i mean there not super big nor are they super small there big enough to get any boys attention.

I have big round violet eyes. How do i have violet eyes well it was a present for my '22' but in reality 16th you see i have a fake license fake social security card anything you need too make you look whatever age you want on documents of course. Well i got eye surgery making my boring ass brown color eyes to now violet awesome right. Well anyways i have high cheekbones fairly long eyelashes round pink lips and surprisingly no dimples and no acne. (Well with the help of a few creams and things like that.) Lastly my small defection.

I have a 1 small defection if your wondering and you think your not perfect I have....... a phobia of spiders. You guys are probably saying what the hell you call that a defection I have acne or glasses or whatever else you have but this is a big deal if you go to Tataling high school. Your probably who named there daughter that name but its who named their son that name. Who i have no idea but its a really funny name.

After having that relaxed shower. Pshhh relaxing my ass. The water was so fucking cold the North Poles water was warmer. I walked down the stairs hoping to find my mother but she's not there she with one of her 'clients' well that's what she calls them i call the victims because that's all they are in the end. I sigh wishing that maybe she will come home and stay home for at least 1 day but i know that that's too much too ask for. As I'm ready to climb the stairs i see a green envelope catch my eye. I descend the stairs for one  last time. I read from where the envelope came from and gasp at what I read: To Ms. James From Franks hospital results.  I start to wonder results for what. I couldn't wonder for a long time because my mother was going to return in a few mi-

I was interrupted by the jinglingof keys that i had already gotten used signaling the return of my mother so i debated on leaving or taking the envelope. In the end i choose to take the envelope and quickly dashed to my room which almost NEARLY caused me to take  a visit to the hospital but i made it to my bed laid in it and acted as if i was asleep the whole time. Of course after putting the envelope under my pillow.

Not even 5 mins later was i welcomed by the familiar blackness  that always welcomed me no matter what day it was. Even if i was on my period or unhappy or whatever mood i was in i was always welcomed by my endless happy dreams.