Reviews [CLOSED for catch-up]

Review 3: The Domino Effect

Author: _HYLIANKIKWI

Difficulty: 'er. moderate'

Genre: Fanfiction (romance/adventure)

Truth be told, I've read your book before (sometime in December). So this review won't be as detailed or as hearty as the other two. Even though I'm not the biggest fan of Gray Fullbuster, I do know his characterisation quite well after following the Fairy Tail manga for a while (still question why I'm reading it- it's just pitiful at this point- I've finished it now after following it for 8+ years now...). So that'll be a pretty big judging point.

(Don't mention ending. Requested.)

Book Cover:

I absolutely love the cover! I like the contrast of having a cracking background with Gray smiling in the midst of it- maybe (it's been 7-8 months, don't judge XD) it signifies a darker turn or something that will lead to a negative change in his or someone else's personality? I dunno, but I like the impression it leaves.

My only peeve is the grammatical error in the cover at the top. I'm pretty sure it should be: 'not everyone tumbles down the way you'd like'- or something along along those lines. Other than that, I love the cover; it's to die for '(*ﾟ▽ﾟ*)'

Summary (+critique):
[Quotes are in doubles, dialogue or advice in singles.]

"It seemed somewhat like a mask, Gray had concluded." To be honest, there isn't anything inherently wrong here at all. I'd only suggest two things: to place the first subordinate clause in quotation marks- singles if you use doubles for dialogue- because you can't see italics in a description. This is only because it can double as a thought track, or alternatively a telling aspect. Which ever you use is up to you. As for the second, you could pretty much omit the 'had' and add an additional bit of information (another subordinate clause even) which could show him doing this, like closing a file.

"This man sabotaging friendships and guilds was wearing a mask, however metaphorical it was." I flat out love this. You've addressed the antagonist (and kinda hyped him up too (like come on, a guild destroyer! That sounds like one awesome upcoming fight or conflict to me)) and told the audience that it will have an element of mystery. *applause*

"Gray already has enough responsibilities of his own to deal with, but he and his girlfriend Izumi Akihiko decide to pull more weight and help new guild member Jellal Fernandes with a quest more than he could handle." I have only one thing to say: commas around full names. Reason? It makes reading this sound more natural as well as being overall dramatic in a way that isn't pretentious. Also, add 'that was' before 'more'.

Overall, I like the sescrption for the story! It's got something going, and I can't wait to jump in (again XD)! (I know there's another sentence after, but there's so little to say I just left it.)