Harry's P.O.V
I'm gay, there I said it. I don't ever want my any of my, school friends to find out because then I'm dead meat! Like seriously, everyone that I hang around with but Louis is a homophobe. Well if Louis was a homophobe, he would have a slight issue because he is bi sexual. He actually goes out with a boy called Matthew that goes to the school down the road. I'm pretty sure he swings more for the boys though, no matter how much he tries to say that he likes both genders equally, I will always believe he likes boys more, the longer he is with Matthew, the stronger that belief will become. The others don't know about him or me for that matter. He doesn't want them to know yet and I can understand why. They bully a few kids in and out of school because of their sexuality and me and Louis always get dragged into it. I never want to hurt them emotionally or physically but I just want to fit in. We are caught in a bad cycle. I don't want them to know either because I'm really afraid of how they will react. I'm gonna have to tell them one day but for now, I think I'll keep it to myself, and Louis.
Finding myself? Oh, I figured it out in 2nd year so I was about 13 at the time, young I know but I'm proud of doing it early because I didn't have to force myself into a relationship I didn't want just to fit in. With me actually figuring myself out, Louis was actually involved in this. He was staying at mine and we were both curious about the whole thing so we kissed and to be honest, it felt so weird but I liked that it was a guy. He wanted to know and so did I. We never done anything since but at least we knew what or should I say, who we were.
You see, I like this boy in our year,
His name is Niall. The other boys (except Louis) make me push him around, hit him, call him names and stuff just because he is openly gay at school and at home. I will admit, I do act like I don't know who he is or his name and all that but in reality I do. I actually feel sorry for the lad, he has never done anything to me personally but I feel like if I don't do it, the boys are just going to turn on me but I want Niall to know the truth, about everything that goes in in my group of 'friends' and how I want to hit myself whenever I do something to him because I know it's hurting him. Even if it's not what he wants to hear I want him to know what I really feel and if that means he hates me even more then so be it. At least I will have it all off my chest. The only problem is how do I go about it?
After school, I was walking to Louis house. I looked up to see o Niall walking down the street the opposite way with his hood up and his hands in his pockets. He looks up and sees me then quickly ducks his head down. I decided this was my only chance to explain without everyone around me expecting me to kick the shit out of him. I start running towards him, he noticed me and stopped, with a scared expression on his face. When I catch up with him, I just stop and look at him. He looks terrified "I'm not going to hurt you, I actually just wanted to talk" I say. He just looks at me like I'm crazy, he actually looks a little surprised and like he wants to hit me "Talk? Really? After 2 years of you bullying me because I'm an "ugly fag" you decide that this is
the time you want to actually communicate with me?" I just freeze. It was bullying, I was bullying him and for what? Something that my so called friends have found out about him and are using it against him. Why was I so stupid! I actually hate myself for that!
I look at him in the eyes, man they were so blue. I just managed to whisper "it's because the other boys make me do it Niall, I never wanted to do anything I've ever done to you, trust me. If they weren't the way they are I wouldn't be like that towards you" he looks at me and replies "oh, so you do know my name?" I feel my cheeks heat up. Oh no not now, not ever. I can't blush no! He looks at me and without a warning, I start to lean in but before I did anything I might regret late I turned away and started to run towards Louis house. I had a really strange urge to kiss him, that's the only reason I walked away. I didn't want anything to happen. Not yet at least. I need a plan and fast.
Theres chapter 2. I only started to write this because I was bored and now I'm getting a wee bit carried away ;)
