Erebus; darkness and isolation

    "Welcome to the dark world of Erebus," Carys said as I entered her room. My eyes tried to adjust to the darkness; it was almost impossible to tell the season in here, despite it being 12 noon on a summer morning. Carys sat on a sofa bed in front of the television. She glanced at me, and returned her attention back to the television almost immediately.

    I look around the room. Video tapes, sketch pads, folded books, and food wrappers were scattered all around the room. There was a bed beside the computer table on the corner, a small refrigerator. There were no sounds in the room besides the tuneless humming of the air-conditioner from the ceiling and the distant sound of the television. No lights were on, besides the television and the light from the cracks of the window blinds and the light seeping from the crack of the door from the kitchen. It felt sad, lonely, like I was in a dark cave.

   Minutes pass and she finally speaks. "This is a great movie, isn't it?" as if only realizing that I was there. "It's from Vocaloid, you know, the voice synthesizer. There was this song called Black Rock Shooter and the girl, that one with the blue flame on her left eye, got so popular they decided to make an OVA for it." We watched the rest of the movie in complete silence.

   As the television screen turns blank and the credits start to roll, Carys stands up, as if only awakening from a good night's rest.

 "Hey," I say, trying to brighten up the mood.

  "Hi James," Carys replies. "What brings you here on a great Saturday summer?"

  "Nothing really," I say. "How are you?"

  "Fine," she stares blankly at me.

  "Uh, I can't stay for long, I just came here to give you the stuff you asked me to get for you." I reach into my bag for a set of books and some CDs.

  "Thanks" She says, smiling a little. She goes to the computer, starts one of the songs from the CD I gave her, and I take my leave.

   I remembered what she said when I entered. Erebus. The first time we had ever talked about it was in a library. We were searching for Greek mythology for an essay, and found Erebus, the offspring of chaos, the brother of Nyx. We were college and took a minor course that always gave us a lot of free time to use on gimmicks, concerts, studying, or sometimes just staying home or the dorms.

  "I like this. Erebus. The darkness, son of chaos, it's so cool. I don't know why, but it always gives me the idea of freedom to do whatever you want. No limits, no rules, to be blind to the truth. I can imagine myself being submerged in it." I laughed, but soon realized that she was serious. 

   Ever since that day, we would call everything that made us want to be blind to the truth, to be free, to be alone, Erebus. I didn't understand why, but I followed after her in everything she did.

It was a rainy Thursday evening, and I had just gotten off my new job. 7 pm. I hope she's still up.

   "Hey," I find her slouching on her bed, reading a book. "You know, it's not summer anymore. You can get out of your house now."

   "I did. I went out last night to do some errands. There wasn't much to see though."

   "Well, there's this concert tomorrow. I've gotten 2 tickets. Come with me."

   "Nah... I don't like it anymore. I mean, a packed place full of sweat, suckish songs in between the main band's songs, and deafening screams." She said, sighing. "I'd rather stay here. It's nice."

   My smile faded. "Come on. Just go out for once. Do it for me. You loved going to concerts! You'd even beg me to let you come with me whenever I had an extra ticket."

   "Yeah, but I like this now." She looked around.

    I grunted. "Fine. Call me if you change your mind." I turn to leave.

   "Hey James," I turn back around. "Don't worry about me. I have everything I need. Food, internet, CDs, books, DVDs, and visits from friends like you." She smiles reassuringly. If only she didn't think of me simply as a friend.

   "Okay," I sigh. There was a long silence between us. "Oh, here. It's the book I told you about. You know, The Giver."

   "Thanks" and I finally take my leave.

  It's been weeks since my last visit, and I look for some things from the bookstore that could possibly interest Carys. I go through some manga, and find an interesting one called Fullmetal Alchemist. I buy the first 3 volumes.

  When I got to Carys' apartment, she opened the door and welcomed me almost immediately after knocking. She looked thinner, paler. When I tried to ask her why she didn't go outside anymore, why she didn't appreciate life outside but instead her books and CDs she gives me a sad answer. 

   "These things in this room, they're great. they all have meaning, a beginning, an ending. Unlike the outside, filled with uncertainties, problems, and flaws. These things I have, they take me to different worlds of my own, where I have no limits." When she ended her speech, I had no idea how to reply to her.

   Some days, while I was outside, something would remind me of Carys, of her alienation. I had this intense longing to go to her. I began to forget the difference between Carys' separate world and my world. I would always think of the times when we used to go outside together, to have fun. But all that was probably over.

   Almost a year had passed, and in some of my visits to her, she would jump for joy and thank me for visiting her. At other times, she would ask me why I came to her, as if she never wanted anyone to see her. She's depressed. I tried to convince myself.

   I tried to think of different ways our story could end. It was our story now. If I had stopped coming to her, I would have simply been a short memory from her college, and fresh graduate days.

   There could be an earthquake, and I save her, carry her as she clasped her hands around my neck,  back to the world where she belongs, the outside world. She thanks me as I lay her down the hard, cemented, ground. We stare at each other, her lips part slightly, and we kiss.

  I return to visit her and she asks what I've got. I take out a gun and shoot. We both get our Romeo and Juliet ending.

   She grows pale, her body becomes thinner, she becomes sick, and on my next visit, there was nothing recognizably human. There she was, sitting on a corner, pasty pale, hair thinning, she looks at me, and looks away in shame.

   I return to her every once in a while to bring her things she likes. She never goes out, and never ages. While I, over the years, grow older and older until I am no longer unrecognizable to her. She becomes immortal, and I die. She stays isolated in that room, waiting, waiting for me. But I never come. 

   On my next visit, I could no longer remember the last time she had gone outside. I couldn't remember how many times I had gone in and out of this room. I step into her room. The lampshade was on, it was the only source of light. I find her lying on her bed. I stared at her body, thinking that she might have died, but I see her breathe.

   I call out to her but she doesn't budge. 

   Finally, she speaks. "Turn the lights off, please." I move towards the light source when she speaks again, "but don't leave me... thanks."

   I turn the lamp and computer screen off, and we're in total darkness. I tried to wait for my eyes to adjust, then I lie beside her and move my knees up to my chest in a fetal position.

   I didn't know how long it had been, but we stay silent, not moving. I didn't know where she was, when I suddenly feel her breath on my face. She's right in front of me. We stay there, lying down. After a while, I see the outline of her face, I see her eyes. She was getting closer to me. Her lips touched mine.