hurt journal

Nota bene

"Nota Bene."

If you do not know what this word means, its means "take note". It was my first lesson in health care. I really like my health care teacher. His witty sarcasm and his soothing voice.

But, this is not about my teacher. It is about me, Alexa. This is not my first name, it is my middle name. My whole life, I wondered what it would be like to have my middle name. It was basic and not very distinct. I hate standing out. I enjoy the idea of getting attention, but sometimes when the moment comes, I freeze.

Well, I am getting off topic. I tend to do this.

All my thoughts come up at night, and when I can not say it or take action, I write. It helps me relieve stress, cry a little, fake a smile, reminisce and so much more. This is not my diary, it is just a collection of the ups and downs of my life.

I function differently than others. I may look happy, but deep down, i am alone. i am scared. i live with the fear that one day i will kill myself. i have felt so much pessimism, mostly from myself that i can not seem to go on with my life and allow these feelings to get to me.

so enjoy me. but do not take advantage of me.