Christmas 2021
01.
In many ways, it was the hardest year of Fitz's and Harry's lives. Having a baby changed everything. It affected every single part of their life as a married couple, as individuals, and even how they saw themselves. For Fitz, especially, there were trials. She'd never loved anyone or anything the way she loved her baby. She was positive no love in the world could compare to that of a mother's for her child. Even so, the first six months of Dex with Fitz on maternity leave and Harry working full-time were the true test of her love, her patience, her maturity, and her perseverance. Looking back, there were more days than not where she'd felt she couldn't do it. That she wasn't meant to be a mother. That Dex deserved someone so much better than her. But as the months passed, she tried every day to be that better someone. She wasn't the perfect wife or mother and she didn't yet know how to balance herself in all the pieces of her life, but these days, she woke up with more confidence and lived less by a textbook (that is, Google) and more by the personalities, natures, and needs of her baby and husband. Often she was frazzled and emotional, but she felt more herself as a mother and as a person.
A lot of her inner strength and determination came from Dex himself. On days where he was grumpy or under the weather and nothing seemed to be going right, when Fitz ached for her old life back where she and Harry could do whatever they wanted whenever they felt like it without feeling guilty, Dex would give her a look when she entered the room and it would change everything.
She knew that look. Long before Dex was born, she'd learned to recognize it on Harry's face. Niall pointed it out to her once on the day of Harry's father's wedding and she'd never forgotten it. Harry looked at her with eyes that shone. Shimmering green and transparent, like she was the oasis amidst a thousand miles of desert, or the only star in a pitch black sky.
Even (and especially) on her worst days, she felt indescribably lucky to be the one for whom he glowed. For Dex, only eleven months old, to take after his father in the same way was more than she deserved.
Dex flashed her that glowing gaze when she walked into the den one evening. She'd left him by himself on the floor for a few seconds to retrieve his hat and mittens, but he'd already managed to use the small coffee table to pull himself to a standing position. Fitz and Harry were quickly realizing how mobile he was and knew it was only weeks before he took his first steps.
"Look at you!" Fitz cried, adopting her 'baby voice'. Dex grinned broadly and proudly bared his central top and bottom teeth. "Mummy's boy is busy, isn't he?"
She handed him Sophie the giraffe () from the floor, which he stared at for several seconds before bringing it to his mouth. Given the chance, he'd chew on anything.
It was Fitz's opportunity to crouch behind him to finish dressing him for outdoors. Dex didn't mind being dressed and tended to cooperate better than other babies she knew or had heard of, but it was always best to distract him with a toy or moving objects so that he wouldn't realize what was happening to him. Sure enough, Sophie kept him busy while Fitz tucked him into his hat, his mittens, and then pulled him onto her lap on the couch to put on his baby boots, one-by-one. Praising him for being a good boy, she brought him out of the den and to the front door.
Harry was already there, having loaded the pram in the car and turning on the ignition to heat it for them. He was waiting in his coat and boots, his hair hidden under a warm winter beanie as he held Fitz's coat out for her.
She placed Dex on the hardwood next to the front table where he could hang onto one of the legs for support in keeping himself upright. Harry helped her into her coat.
