My darkest thoughts

Shadows

I hate days like this. It's too quiet, too bright. I've got nothing to do.
I'm used to the rush of a busy day. I don't like it, don't get me wrong, but I don't like this either. People tell you over and over to find what makes you happy. Why is it so hard? Everything I do has consequences. Everything I don't do has consequences.
I've got 2 weeks off school. The last couple of days have been a struggle, I didn't feel like I could cope another hour. But I made it, maybe it was the promise of a chocolate egg or maybe it was the resting days I have ahead. Rest. Weird word. I've never really known the meaning of it. To relax. But what is the meaning of that? It feels like somebody is watching. When I walk home, if nobody else is around, I stop and talk to it. Maybe it is nothing. Maybe my imagination.
I feel things, things i can't explain. I don't see or hear them. I feel like they are there. I don't tell anyone, god no. They will mock me, say I'm delusional. But I've never really known why I think it's there.
You know Tyler Joesph told people about what a kitchen sink meant to him. He said people needed to find something that only they understand. And that was his thing.
Maybe it is my thing. Shadows. Not a shadow you would find next to you on a sunny day. But ones that hide, unseen. Ones that mean a great deal to me. I'm not yet quite sure why. No one seems to understand. And I don't know if I do either.