No Desire

Chasing Cars

Has anyone ever told you that life will get better or whatever your going through won't last forever? Well, who ever told you that is a liar. It's not going to get better. It's going to get worse. And hey, if you have a awesome perfect life, good for you. But not everyone's life is like rainbows and butterflies.

There are some devastating things that I never told anyone. That I still go through.

I ditched school today to not think about the terrible things that are waiting for me but it never works. I end up thinking about them anyway.

You know how people say we will be best friends forever and if you ever need someone to cry on you can cry on me. Well that's bull. There is no person who's going to be there for you. You have to be there for yourself.

The ocean is as blue as ever with little waves crashing into eachother making that whoosh sound that I found so comforting. If only life was as comforting as the ocean. If it carried you softly almost like shielding you against the danger. But instead life drowns you and you have to learn how to swim. You have to learn how to kick just to be able to survive what ever comes your way

I always pictured my life to be perfect and have people who loved me. To have people to call "besties" or at least to have people to count on but I never got that.  So I had to love myself and depend on only myself but sometimes I wish somebody loved me or somebody at least cared. Even if I didn't want to admit it.

I always had the ocean though. To guide me through my troubles. But it never tells me the answers I'm looking for which only gets me frustrated and angry at how useless this world is.

If only life was as simple as making a cake. Just to crack some eggs and it turns out to taste pretty sweet. But no. It gave me a shitty life.

I have a story where I never told anyone before. I didn't want anyone to know my secrets. I'm glad I didn't, or else I would have made myself a bigger whole then what im already in. And I'm never going to tell anyone. Its a dark dangerous past that I don't want to open up again.

I watched the Orange yellowish sky above me. Like a beautiful striking sunset appeared above, making me look up. I was too busy looking at the amazed sky above me to even notice that tears were running down my pale  cold cheeks.

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I woke up to a pungent smell. It smelled really gross. I jumped up and realized a slept on the roof again. I groan as I jump off the roof. The birds got me again. That was the smell. Those stanky little eagles . They should know it's not nice to poop on people. Ugh.

I walk in the house to quickly take a shower so I could go to school. Not like I actually want to.

Im finally done scrubbing of the damage the birds did to me and went to go see what to wear . I finally decided to just wear a plain black hoodie. My favorite color. Its the color of my soul.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not emo. Definitely not. I just really like the color black. It's the only color I see in my life. Or as you can say future.

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I finally get to school 20 minutes later. I run in the hallway because I'm gonna be late for class. I accidentally fell into someone and dropped all my books. Perfect. "Hey, watch where your going." I get up and give this guy the death stare. "It's not my fault your enormous self was blocking my way." I scowl at him hoping he could tell the anger in my voice. He looks up and sees me and just stares. We both stare at eachother for a couple of seconds before I finally crouch down and pick the rest of my books up from the floor. "Here let me get that for you." I look at him with a 'are you serious look' and say "Oh now you want to be a gentleman. How thoughtful," tasting the sarcasm in my mouth. Then I added "I got it myself" and started picking up my books again. He just looks at me the whole time like some things wrong with me. I roll my eyes and walk past him. He follows me behind and just says "hmph". I didn't have time for this so I ran down the hallway again to my class.

I finally get to class and apparently I was not late. For ounce. I take a seat towards the window and look out of it for awhile. The birds chirping happily in the tree looking up at the sun. Ugh. Why do things have to be so happy. Its making me feel worse then what i already feel. "Take a seat Mr.Adams". I look up and and see the guy I bumped into. He took a seat right next to me. He sees me and says "Your in my class too?"I wonder how come I've never seen him before. Is he new? Whats his name? Why am i wondering his name? Why do i care? Ugh.

"Youwhoo, is anyone in there." I realized I was day dreaming again and forgot everything he just said. "What." I said irritated. "I said my name was Jake. Are you new? I've never seen you here before." I scowl up at him wondering how he knew what I was thinking. "I have been here for 2 years now and I've never seen you." I said pointing at him. He rolled his eyes and said "Oh well, anyways my name is Jake." I stare at him for awhile wondering what I was supposed to say to that. "And?" I said while giving him a 'so what stare' . "What's yours. I didn't quite catch it after you practically through yourself at me." I looked at him with the death stare. "Your the one who can't move his big butt out the way." I said a little too loudly for everyone to hear. I sink back in my chair and pulled the hoodie to hide my face wishing that class was already over. But it had just begin.