Journal Entries

Entry #1: Going Back to the Old Times

March 29, 2017

I really don't know what to write in this first page of the notebook. Rather, I don't even know how to start this journaling extravaganza since I am not sure how it crossed my mind to write important happenings and memories happening in my life as of the moment.

Well I guess, I have to start with labeling myself first. I'm Rose Hawthorne, eighteen years of age and still studying. I'm almost in college, and well, things have not been going well.

As I've said, I'm on my final year of my high school years. Since its the most crucial year level, a lot of things are being handed out to us. Requirements, homeworks, tests and the like.

I missed those times when I was just a kid, living my life the easy way. I remember the time when notes were just print outs and we were left to paste them in our notebooks. I remember the time when I first dreaded writing with a pencil. I missed print out notes.

Since I was used to those kinds of notes, my handwriting wasn't nice as the others. It looked gibberish, too big, and unreadable. My handwriting passed the red and blue lines, the lowercase letters looked like uppercase letters.

That's how bad my handwriting was.

I envied other kids because of their nice handwriting. They always got a "Very Good!" stamp on their papers. I always received the "Satisfactory" stamp. It even came to a point where I sneaked through the teacher's desk to just stamp my paper with the "Very Good!" stamp. I was successful but my parents weren't happy, saying that I shouldn't have done that since there's always room for improvement.

With those words, I worked hard with my handwriting. I didn't even go out on weekends so that I can make sure my handwriting was like the others.

The sweet smile never left my face the day I received the "Excellent!" stamp, mainly because I was the first one to get it. If only you've seen my handwriting that day, you could say that it seemed to be like the sans serif font you see nowadays.

In other words, it was perfect.

Some kids even came to me, asking how I did it. I only told them the words my mother had said during one of my practice sessions. 

"Practice makes perfect!"

Let's skip a little bit to 3rd grade. I transferred schools that time since we also transferred homes. I remember pleading to my parents that I didn't want to leave my school.

Well, it wasn't easy to suddenly detach yourself from your friends at that school since we made so many memories together. Also, how can a kid just move on with a new life? I don't think I know someone who moved on so fast. 

Third grade was the hardest for me. I was quiet all the time, not talking to anyone. Some approached me but I didn't entertain them. I was still on the verge of "forgetting" them, and replacing my old friends hurt.

Though some had preferred to leave me to my misery, there was one girl who was persistent in befriending me. Camille was her name, and we are still friends to this day.

I have to admit, Camille was not my friend type. She was too boisterous, too noisy, too joyful. Of course, I'm talking about the time where I was still annoyed by her constant naughtiness around me.

I only showed her my friendliness during the time when other kids started to bully me. Their reason? I was too quiet for their liking. She stood her ground in front of me that day, and shoved all of them off.

She was brave, I have to say. Seeing that I have no one to trust, now that others have started to bully me, I began to see Camille as that person worthy of being called a friend.

And so we became friends. We were those typical kind of friends who would take on any challenge and worthy of being called #BFFGoals. We were indeed goals, but I was still an introvert inside. I don't really like mingling with others, I thought that I would just replace someone again.

Time came, seventh grade to be exact, a new face came into our lives. Well, at least, he was new to me since I never saw him before. It seemed that Camille knew that boy very well, and judging from their actions, they were pretty close, in fact, close as best friends. She introduced him to me when I met him, saying that his name was Ron Ames.

I've got to say, that's a pretty cool name.

Also, I guess my fear of replacement disappeared when he came since I mentioned that I never liked mingling with others because of what had happened before. Well, the three of us became closer. At first I was hesitant to talk to him but I grew accustomed to his presence, that's why I started talking to him.

Nothing really special happened in the latter years, unless you count that one of my friends finally had the chance to go out with someone they like. Well, I was saddened to hear that it was Camille but still, we're friends and communication was always a thing with us. She always asked me advices, what to do and what not to do and all those kinds of things. It wasn't my expertise but I gave my very best to give her what she needed.

"You're the best adviser. I mean it!"

That's what she'd always say.

I miss those fun times...

Rose closed her notebook and sat it beside all her books. She sighed and leaned back her chair. She had a lot to do at that time, and journaling was the first thing that she did amidst all the other important things to be done.

"Well, I'm screwed tomorrow. Let's see..."

She looked up the ceiling and listed the things that she had to do.

"Research paper, monologue script, homeworks, study for science exam...I'm really screwed."

She threw her hands up in the air. "I haven't even started anything yet!"

"That's what you get for being such a lazy ass." She heard her sister say.

"What do you need now?"

"Dinner. Have you forgotten that it's 8 already?"

Rose checked the clock. It was indeed 8 o clock. She felt her stomach grumble; she didn't eat anything for snacks earlier.

"What are you waiting for?" Her sister left the room, not even closing the door.

Once her sister left, Rose muttered to herself, "I wrote that journal entry for an hour?"