The picture above was me at the beginning of my 7th grade year.
My name is Kayla Anne Harrelson, and I'm 14 going to Coats-Erwin Middle School. Im in the 8th grade best in my math class. A lot how people ask me to tell about myselt and well, I can't. In order to know me, you have to know my story. I'm not writing this to get attention. I'm writing this to let my feelings out.
When I was little I lived a perfect life, it was so full of happiness. Growing up I had no friends, but I was happy. I made straight As and never got in trouble. I listened to my parents and everything. I don't remember much and I don't know why. Over the years it's faded away. Becoming a puzzling dream, but I do know this. I wish ot would come back.
You see I moved at the end of 4th grade, yes it was only to the county over but it was the end of my true happiness. My family shared a house with my grandmother and she kept everyone from fighting. When we all moved, she moved to a different house. Which left my perents free range to fight. So they did. And as me being the oldest, I'm apart of it. I have two younger sisters, I have to protect them.
There fighting wasn't a problem until my 7th grade year. Their drinking made it worse. So at home I delt with that, but school made it worse.
At school I got bullied really bad, for who I was. They would call me ugly, dumb, whore. Well the would also tell me stuff like, kill yourself, you stupid emo. And I've always been emo when I moved, it was who I was. I wasn't the depressed emo, until they started saying that kind of stuff. They would call me that ever day. Everday they would call me something new. At the beginning I didn't mind but after new years, my parents got into a bad fight. It scarred me. After that what they said started to me effected me.
My anger problems got worse, I've had them all my life and they were never a problem. But now I couldn't hold them in. All the teachers saw it, but not me getting bullied. I remember them telling me to control myself, it's all in your head, they aren't saying those things to you. So I went to the principle, and with my anger problem to the bullies, she didn't believe me. So the school couldn't stop them. And my parents were no help. No help at all. I was all alone.
Then one day some one told me to go cut myself, no one likes you. So I did. I cut my wrist 5 times, then my mom saw. She yelled at me, which made it worse. She yelled at me to protect herself, not me. So I did it on my ankle, until a guy named Brandon stoped me.
He become my only friend after that, only friend who could help me. After months of my anger, it turned into depression. Until it was no long anger, just depression. And no one noticed, only him. Until one day, he just left. Left me in the dark.
Then finally school let out for summer break, I thought that was it. No more bullies, no more depression. Oh I was so wrong, it's alomost funny now. Funny that I was so wrong.
My parents fight become worse, uncontrollable. It made me even worse. Until one night I just gave up, and desided to leave. So I packed my bags, and waited till 12 am. I left. They found me the next morning near my ex boyfriends house. My dad told me to get in the car, i remember he slaped me so hard and my parents yelled out me. It's like they didn't care. They didn't ask why I did it.
They made me work my butt of around the house because they said I'm out of control. Well a month passed and my cuting got worse and I even lost 15-20lbs from skipping meals. That's when Brandon come back. I was so happy, my only friend was back. He told me to leave and so did his friends who I talked to a lot. So I did but this time I left a note telling my feelings. I was doing good until they found Brandon's number and threatened to throw him jail. He was 18 so, my dad black mailed him. Brandon then texted me, go home. Go home? I thought. He then told me he was gonna go to jail if I didn't, so I called my dad and told him were I was. He got me, but this time he didn't yell at me. He just was happy I was safe. I was missing for 32 hours, my only friend gone.
I remember my mom and dad finnaly gave me the love and support I wanted, the support I needed. Until my moms side started telling them to put me on pills and send me to doctors, my own family thought I was crazy.
Then school finnaly started, thinking it was gonna be as bad as last year. I was nervous. Until I met Joshua Ray Matthews. He was just like me. He got bullied like me in 7th grade and his parents were the same way. He become my only friend and then on September 3, 2016, he became my boyfriend. For 7 months he made me happy and protected me. And still is to this day.
My depression went away and so did his. I stopped cutting and I eat well and is at a healthy weight of 113lbs. I'm still not fully healed, I still have moid swings because of my 7th grade year but he helps me. Only him. He was become my everything.
I'm at the end of my 8th grade year and I'm the happiest I've ever been. So I may not be the same Kayla I was before I moved, but I'm now completed. Now that I have my what I think is my soulmate. Yes we are young but it's not possible to be something else since we connect so much. I love him. More then anything. So thats my story. So if you are depressed and feel alone just know your not alone. It gets better. It got better for me, so it will get better for you. So please keep fighting.
~Kayla Or Baby Girl XOXO ❤
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