There Can Only Be One

I'm Tired Of Being Tired

Jessica pulls it away and shakes her head.

"I'm tired of laying around! I want to enjoy my kids. I don't want to sleep."

"Jessie..."

"I just want my life back!"

***

That night Dorthy, the kids, and Sam were all outside on the patio. Jessica sat upstairs in her room laying down. From her window, she hears the giggles and chattering from outside. She felt so left out. Jessica grew the strength to get out of bed and slide into a hoodie and shorts to join them. 

She tightly grasped onto the railing going down the stairs. When she got down the stairs she walked through the kitchen then outback. When she slowly slid open the door they all looked at her. Sam quickly stood up and Kennedy was all smiles.

"Mom! Want a smoore?" She says happily

"Ma-ma!" Camden cheer throwing himself around in Dorthy's arms.

Jessica smiles as Kennedy runs up and hugs her lower body.

Sam walks next to Jessica and she goes down the next step to the fire. He lightly holds her arm.

"I'm fine," Jessica says quietly moving her arm away from Sam.

Sam nods and lets her be.

"Hey honey, come sit down," Dorthy says patting her hand on the folding chair.

"Thank you." Jessica grabs the chair and sits down. 

Camden reaches for Jessica and starts crying.

"Do you want to hold him?" Dorthy says 

Jessica nods and holds out her arms as Dorthy's hands her Camden. 

Camden starts giggling and buries his head into Jessica's chest. Jessica lays back and holds him.

"How do you like your marshmallows mom?" Kennedy says taking one from the bag.

"I'm not hungry sweetie, but thank you," Jessica says softly as she begins opening and closing her eyes.

"Do you want me to make you soup or something. You have barely touched any food this weekend." Dorthy says concerned

"No, I'm okay." 

"We are having the field day tomorrow!" Kennedy says sitting next to Jessica

"Really, that's fun," Jessica says

"Mhm. I'm on the red team. Are you going to come watch."

"Your mother has treatment tomorrow, Kenny." Dorthy says

"Camden and I will come while grandma and mom are at the hospital." Sam mentions

"I can come... Treatment is early tomorrow. I'll be able to make it." Jessica says

Dorthy and Sam look at Jessica with a puzzled look.

"Yay!" Kennedy cheers hugging Jessica.

"That's a horrible idea." Sam says bluntly

"Excuse me?" Jessica raises her eyebrow.

"Jessica, you'll be so tired and worn out." Sam says softly

Jessica didn't say anything.

"What's going on?" Kennedy says

"Mom can't go tomorrow." Sam says

Jessica's eyes tear up. "Sam, I'm going."

"Jessica, look at you. You can barley keep your eyes open from just one round of chemo. Think about how you will feel after not only intense chemo but radiation too! I just think you should rest." 

"I'm tired of resting and laying in bed all day Sam. You don't understand the tortue. I feel like I'm missing out on everything. I'm tired of being tired! Don't you get that?" Jessica raises her voice. 

Camden starts to scream pushing Jessica away.

"Oh baby boy, don't cry." Jessica bounces Camden but he still screams. 

Dorthy walks over and takes him out of Jessica's hands. Jessica covers her face and cries.

"I hate this! I'm a horrible mom, I can't do anything! This can't be the rest of my life." Jessica curls up her body. 

Sam walks over to her and rocks her and she sobs. 

Kennedy sat down just staring at Jessica in shock of how she broke down.

"Jessie... I'm so sorry." Sam whispers as he cries with her.

"Kennedy, let's go inside." Dorthy says taking her hand. 

Kennedy shakes her head and runs over to Jessica giving her a hug.

"You are an amazing mom. No matter what. You always will be. You have to stay strong and push forward. I know you can."

**