Me and Ai

Chapter 91: Ripples on the Water

I feel so angry and terrible that my body trembles all over; I feel extremely terrible as I speak that I my eyes start to water. Whenever I get really angry, I tend to cry a little because I feel terrible when I lash at people; it makes me feel like I'm such a bad person. I try to control my trembling body but I can't help it; anger has taken over me.

"We're both working, aren't we?! I'd get it if you're tired! I'd get it if you'd want to take a break! I'd get it if you'd request things from me! Why can't you understand that?! You always told me that I shouldn't carry everything on my shoulders and let you help me; you always said that we should share our problems and tasks! So why won't you open up to me! It's so one sided!"

Ai is at a loss for words as I continue to speak.

"I know when you're troubled, I know when you're feeling sad, I know when you're tired, I know when you're annoyed but you never say anything and just brush it off when I ask what's wrong or what's on your mind! You think it makes me feel better when you say nothing?! It doesn't! It just makes me worry about you more! It makes me feel like you become distant! It makes me think you don't trust me! You're always there for me so why won't you let me be there for you?! I hate it! I hate you!"

I suddenly shut my mouth and cover it in shock. The words that came out of my mouth shocked me. I feel...terrible...really terrible...I didn't want to lash out at him like that and I shouldn't have said so much. We're just both tired. I've let my emotions and stress get to me. I look at Ai and his face is filled with shock at the words I uttered.

"I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean that; I don't...hate you."

I said something I shouldn't have...That was too much...I'm terrible.

"I don't hate you...I would never...Sorr...y"

This isn't right. I need to cool down. I need to stop and just breathe for a moment. I need to stop.

Stop.
Stop..
Stop...

My vision starts to blur due to my tears building up. I don't want to cry in front of him like this; it's not right; it's not fair.

Ai approaches and when he reaches out for me, I step backward away from him. Not sure of what to say or what to do, I take my bag and run towards the door; I ran away.

"Kaori, wait!"

I close the door behind me as I left the apartment.

Lucky for me, the elevator was on our floor; someone must have used it not too long ago. I get in the elevator and press the ground floor button. As the elevator doors close, I see Ai running towards the elevator when he saw me in it.

"Wait!"

I shut my eyes, praying that he wouldn't make it.

"Hold on! Don't—"

His voice was distant. The elevator doors close and descend; he didn't make it. I feel somewhat relieved. I didn't want to face him; not in this state. I need to calm down and cool off; I don't want to be at home until I do...I don't want to see him for a while until I recollect myself.

As soon as the elevator's doors open, I left the building and took a taxi.

"Where are you headed, miss?" the taxi driver asked.

Where am I headed? I truly don't know...I don't think I could stay at Manager-san's house with Naoto-kun and besides, Manager-san would definitely just tell Ai that I'm staying with them. If I went home to my house here in Tokyo...Ai would definitely try to look for me there.

"Excuse me miss, where are you headed to?" the taxi driver asks again in concern.

"Ah! I'm sorry! I was just thinking. Could you please take me to..." I told him to go to Shining Agency. I thought that maybe Haruka would let me stay with her at the dormitory. If not, then I could always look for a cheap hotel for the night...and for the next few days.