The Deal

The Lanterns

On the stormiest Sunday night in late spring twenty-one years ago, when the winds were howling and the rain was washing the sins of the world away, I came out of my mother screaming just as loud and severe as the thunder that rumbled above us.

Sunday is known as the 'Sun's Day' -babies born on this day will refuse to live an ordinary life. They will always provide sunshine for those around them with their auras of brightness and life. Sunday's child is creative, noble, caring, proud and stubborn. They cannot be harmed by evil spirits and will be both fair in looks and in spirit.

Babies born during a storm will be a force of nature in life. They will often face strife and struggle, but will always persevere in the end. These children tend to be fierce and passionate in love, but insecure and troubled in everyday life.

My day of birth was a contradiction in and of itself and the life that has followed is a testament of that fact.

I am bright in spirit, but troubled in life. I cannot be harmed by spirits, but I have suffered greatly. I am passionate and insecure, but also caring and stubborn.

My own spirit struggles to pick a side.

It's no wonder that birthdays have always put me in a sour mood, even more so after I had no one to celebrate them with.

Though, this birthday, I am determined to change my attitude and the outcome. I stuff my face with grapes for breakfast –known as food for the soul. I slip on an old red crop top and a blue floral skirt that flows past my knees with matching shoes –the color blue a good mood-booster. I kiss my doorjamb as I leave the house –assuring that I will return home safely.

I throw on a thick velvet red choker that belonged to my mother and tassel earrings –trying to compensate my bad attitude with accessories.

Despite all of these things I feel a weight in my chest, heavy like an anvil, and a cloud over my head that blocks out all the sun.

Birthdays are just another reminder that time is passing, while everything else remains stagnant. I turn 21 today and that makes it nine years since I have heard my father's jovial laugh and ten years since I last felt my mother's embrace.

It feels like a lifetime.

But, just as suddenly as I think that, a cold chill sweeps over my body and the familiar Chanel perfume fills the air.

Usually, I detest the presence of my mother's ghost- as she always tends to wreak havoc around me when she visits. But, today I take a deep breath, reveling in my mother's scent and I let the first smile I have had all day light up my lips.

It's a bittersweet feeling to know that I have my mum watching over me on my birthday –that I am not alone- even if I can't touch her or talk to her.

Not really, anyway.

But, my preparations and my mother's presence cannot lift my mood and neither fools my Nana –her intuition powerful. As soon as the bell announces my entrance into the shop and my Nan looks up from her book, the smile on her face fades and worry adds another wrinkle to her forehead.

"Ma chérie," She glides so gracefully along the hardwood it's almost as if she, herself, is a spirit, "How is your heart today? What's wrong?"

My sigh is deep, but I try to make my smile look as enthusiastic as possible, "My heart is still going strong, Nana. You know how I feel about my birthday, that's all."

Her frown only deepens as her hands reach out in the air between us -picking at the empty space and then throwing it behind her shoulders -trying to remove the bad energy from all around me, but failing.