Listen~ CaptainSwan AU

Chapter 11: Thanksgiving

"Aye... fine then. It's just... after everything that's happened between Emma and me, I don't want to ruin everything again. We've finally set everything straight, I've set things right between us, and with my son. I don't want to ruin it all," I admit, hating to speak of what bothers me.

"Don't you worry that big head of yours. Emma's one of the swee'est people in the world. In my opinion, she shouldn't have forgiven ya' with the way you'd been speakin' to 'er, but she did. Everything's going to be fine," Ava assures me.

"Aye, I suppose to. Now, what in God's name are you cooking up down there?" I ask as we descend the stairs.

"Just some vegetables to go with the turkey Emma's making. I'm telling you there's nothing that girl can't do," Ava says in wonder.

"Except hear," I mumble.

"Brenan!" Ava scolds.

"Nothing against it! I'm only proving you wrong," I say smirking.

"Don't you dare say that in front'a the poor girl. You know how sensitive she is," Ava says scowling.

"Aye, I know, I know. Now, where are the gifts we got for my Molly and Emma's boy?" I ask, looking around.

"In the car, dear. Come on then, let's get going," Ava says, dragging me out the door and into the car. 

Ruby's P.O.V:

I walk down the streets of New York City, thinking about everything that had happened yesterday. 

It's not just with Emma and Killian, it's everyone.

I can't control what I say or when I say it, not ever. I never have been and I never will be. 

It's like everything that comes through my mind, no matter how hard I try not to, no matter how wrong I know it is, I say it. 

It's like my brain just gives my mouth permission to go and screw things up.

And today...

Today I had a doctor's appointment that explained everything. 

An appointment that changed everything.

I've been diagnosed with a mental illness... Asperger's Syndrome. 

Which means, allow me to quote my doctor: "You show marked deficiencies in social graces and skills. You have great difficulty in changes and you definitely prefer sameness. You often have obsessive routines and may be preoccupied with a particular subject of interest. You have great difficulty reading body language and have a habit of not knowing where to draw the line. I'd say you have Asperger's, Miss Lucas."

I shake my head, settling on a bench as I wait for a taxi to pass by and take me home.

All I want to do is go to Emma. 

Go to Emma and tell her I'm sorry.

I'm sorry and everything I said was just thoughts that ran through my head in a split second that never should have come out of my mouth.

That I wish I could turn back time and change it all.

The thing is... while almost everything I said wasn't true, just a mere thought, one thing was.

I do have feelings for Killian. I always have... but I know that I can't act on those feelings. I can't.

Because if I did, I'd hurt the one person I have always been able to rely on since the moment we met- Emma. 

I don't even know if I can fix what I've already done to hurt her. I never meant to. 

But now...