Things I Wanted To Say But Never Did

March 11, 2017

Instead of fighting you and arguing, I should have just accepted your side of things. I should have admitted what I did wrong, and apologized, finding a way to fix it all.

I shouldn't have fought with you, with my keyboard on all capital letters.

You said you didn't deserve me, but in reality, we didn't deserve each other.

We weren't saints. In any way shape or form. You with your drinking, and smoking to get rid of the pain.

And me with everything I did to myself to distract my brain from the horrors of society.

I shouldn't have blamed other people for what I said that night. I should have stayed home, it was the 2 year anniversary of something that never should have happened, and I was not in the right state of mind to be surrounded by everyone at our small school.

You're words should have never been repeated, even though they formed into the most beautiful poetry in my messed up mind.

I didn't waste two months of my life, like I told you I did. Fuck, they were the best 2 months of my life.

Every little smile, hug, wave, it all meant something to me. And now, since I never see your face besides it showing up on my Instagram feed, I feel empty.

I know you're happy, and pure happiness is not one that anyone should take away. But, I wish it was me making you happy again.

The one thing that I knew was right to say was when I told you,

"I love you, and I care a lot about you. If you ever need anything, you can always come to me."

Funny how you left me on read then. Like you didn't believe me, or that you couldn't trust me because my mouth never stopped moving when someone brought you up.

Fuck, I miss you so much. You are always on my mind. You silly little hoe.

I fucked up didn't I?