The real shit

second

Sometimes I don't think I'm normal, but then again I think about what normal really means and if I really want to be normal? Isn't beeing normal Beeing like the others? But aren't we all different? Maybe we are all normal in our own way... or just crazy in our own way.

But no matter what beeing normal is, I still feel like I don't belong here.

Sometimes (and i know this sounds stupid af) I feel like I just don't belong on this planet, like I'm just not supposed to have a life. Often I think about beeing dead and what it feels like. I don't believe in God or anything else so I don't think I would go to paradise when I'm dead (even though I would definetly go to hell) I came to the conclusion that when you're dead you're just dead and there is nothing but silence and darkness... just nothing.

And I would love to be dead most of the time.

One thing I hate most about life is sleep. And befor you guys freak out I know that I'm probably the only person in the world who thinks lke that but I got reasons. I don't remember the last time I really slept. I try to sleep so hard but the first problem is that I just can't fall asleep and trust me I tried everything but my mind keeps reacing.The next things are the Nightmares. Nothing is more horrile  than waking up every night, sweating and not knowing what's reality and what's not. Sometimes I'm even afraid of going to sleep. My third probelm, which is even worse, is that even when I fell asleep and have luck and can sleep for more than four hours, I just don't feel likeI've sleept and it doesn't matter how long or where I sleep, I'll still wake up and feel even more tired than befor.

And I'm so tired. I'm wlking through my life like a zombie.

The sad thing is I can't decide what is more horrible... my real life or ma dreams.

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Sooooo lil comment from me:

If someone ever gonna read this (which I don't think so) and would like to talk or something I'll respond to every message.