Chasing Lost Love (Sequel to Stay Away From Me)

Chapter 1: I Miss you

I didn't want that to happen. I wanted to be with my own son. Call me selfish, but that's my son. He didn't even want anything to do with Hyeon when Hyeon was first born. He demanded a DNA test. He wouldn't take my word for it.

I think I have every right to decide what I do with our son. I'm the one who had to go through so much stress when Yoongi denied me.

I begin to cry again. Once again an ocean of tears flow out of my eyes. When will I ever stop crying over him? When will I ever clear my mind of Min Yoongi?

I can't help but miss him. I miss him so much. My heart clenches whenever I come across a photo of one of our dates. Of when he knew exactly who I was. Of when I was able to look at him and be genuinely happy.

I know I have N. I know I'm supposed to be happy with the new person, especially since we've been dating for almost three years. I know I'm not supposed to be thinking of my ex husband this way.

My body trembles. I wrap my arms tightly around myself, allowing myself to wallow in self-pity. I allow the sadness to consume. I'm too far in this to get out of it.

All I see is this continuous darkness. I can never truly be happy as long as he's still in my life. I can just get up and move with Hyeon, but that wouldn't be fair to Hyeon. Hyeon deserves to have a father.

As long as my son can be happy, that's all that matters. My son deserves all the happiness he can get. He deserves to have both a mother and father. I can't deprive him of that. I can't take him away from his father.

It's too late to do that now anyway, he knows his father. He knows exactly who his father is. Every chance he gets, he asks how his father is. He always asks when can he see his father again.

It's amazing at how attached Hyeon is to Yoongi. It warms my heart to see that Hyeon and Yoongi get along quite well. I would be the worse person in the world if I took that away from Hyeon.

I'll just suffer. I'll make that sacrifice for my son.

A knock on the door wakes me up from my dark thoughts. I slowly get up to see who it is through the peephole. My heart calms down a little at the sight of Jackson and Jaebum.

Jaebum was released from prison for good behavior. He truly became a good person. He hasn't gone back to his old ways. He's been good.

I open the door, allowing them into the confinement of my home. When they see my tear stained face, their smiles disappear. Worry instantly replaces their shining smiles.

"Are you okay," Jackson asks worriedly. I look into his kind eyes.

Seeing the worry in them makes me break down. I sink to the ground on my knees as I cry hysterically. It has never been this bad. I have never allowed my emotions to get out of control like this.

I feel a pair of arms wrap around my shoulders as the person gently rocks me back and forth in their arms.

"Marissa, why do you think about him like this? You're only making yourself suffer. You're bringing yourself this endless suffering," Jackson whispers. I know he means well, just his words aren't reaching me.

"JaeJae, can you get a glass of water," Jackson asks him. Without a response I hear a pair of feet shuffling away from us.

Jackson helps me to the couch. He has me sit down as he sits next to me, rubbing soothing circles on my back.

I can't say anything. All I can do is sit here and cry. My voice is caught in my throat. There's this huge lump in my throat. I can't do this. I'm not strong anymore. I'm weak. I'm weak because of one person.

"You'll be okay Marissa. Don't give in to these emotions. Marissa, you have to let him go for your own good. If he hasn't remembered you after 5 years, he won't ever remember you. Give up. You have N now." His voice is soft. It held so much care to it. I know his words are true. I know he means well.

"Here's the water," I hear Jaebum's voice. I look at him as I numbly take the glass from him.

I gulp it down, not leaving a single drop. Jackson sighs next to me, knowing that I haven't been eating or drinking properly.

"Why does he have this much of an effect on you? Why are you allowing him to control your everyday activities?"

"I don't know Jackson. I'm at a loss. I thought I gave up on him. I thought I had moved on from him. I thought I was over this. It only gets this bad whenever I drop Hyeon off to his penthouse," I confess.

"So it's whenever you come in contact with him?"

"I guess." I can't describe it.

"You need to have someone else drop your son off then. At least until you get over him."

I nod my head in agreement. I just can't get over him though. Never will I find someone like him. He was everything to me. He was my everything. He was my happiness.

Why do I miss you?

"It seems as if you're not yourself right now. Do you want us to stay," Jackson speaks up after 15 minutes of me just staring blankly at the wall straight ahead of me.

"Stay please, I can't be alone right now. The loneliness will take over and it'll become worse than what it is now," I finally speak out.

"Okay, of that's what you want then we'll comply to your wishes," He replies while wrapping his arms tightly around me.

I take in the warmth of his embrace. It's so comforting. He's able to calm me slightly with his hug. He's able to steady my trembling body. Everything about Jackson is comforting. I'm glad he became one of my best friends. I don't know what I would do without him.

"JaeJae, do you mind if we spend the night here?" I whip my head in Jackson's direction in shock.

I don't want him to feel as if he has to stay. I don't want to burden him. I'll feel guilty if he stays. I'll feel as if I made him stay when they most likely don't want to.

"Don't you go thinking for a second that I don't want to stay. You're a dear friend who is in need, so of course I want to stay for my best friend," Jackson whispers as if reading my mind.

"How did you know what I was thinking," I speak breathlessly.

"I know you. I know your thought process by now," he deadpanned.

I laugh through my tears, greatful that I have amazing people surrounding me in my time of need. They are my pillars holding me up even when I don't ask for it.

"Of course we'll spend the night," Jaebum answers Jackson.

I smile at both of them, exhaustion from the past couple of hours finally taking it's toll on me. I feel myself drifting into a slight slumber with my head on Jackson's shoulder.

My last thoughts before I fall asleep are of Yoongi and hoping that one day he'll return to me.