I hate being small. My advantage is waiting to be used, my body can be overpowered, I always have to obey. Five feet and four inches isn't exactly how I wanted to be living at the raw age of twenty-two. It has its pros though. My boyfriend is 6 ft tall. He could literally kill me if he wanted to. I hope he does while at the same time I don't. He scares me. If I'm not feeling good about myself he'll force me to talk about it instead of waiting for me to gather up the courage to tell him. It overwhelmingly upsets me and I cry. And he just stands there hugging me while also laughing at me. Telling me I worry over nothing, and my feelings are too sensitive.
I want to go to a park early in the morning to clear my head. I try to but he's always there, belt in hand, waiting for the sound of a door opening. He says it's dangerous and since I don't want to listen, I might as well be punished for it. He's a romantic interest in, not my parent or guardian. He's supposed to support me and do things like that along with me. Whenever he leaves to go camping with his friend, he sets a trip wire and a camera up to record how many times I leave the house and what time I leave the house. Each time I leave at an unusual time equals one lashing. So if he's gone for a week and I leave early ten times, that's ten lashings. Ten painful lashings.
It's happened twice before and both times were traumatizing and left red bruises up and down my legs. It hurts and I'm pretty sure it's abuse but he always manages to convince me it's not by sex after. He believes sex is a universal symbol for 'It's okay.' But I believe otherwise. At least I'm not alone I guess. That would suck. Dying all alone.
I'm insane...
YOU ARE READING
Matter Of Love And Lust
FanfictionRelationships aren't always happy and aren't always sappy. They aren't always sad and aren't always bad. They're unpredictable and so many people suffer or stride. Some of us think we're useless and need someone by our side. Just because we're afrai...
