Author Games: Victors Of The Arena

Task Three: Notes and Scores

Notes 1: I enjoyed how you wrote here, but like Percy, I'll get onto you for that use of he. If this was first person, there would be so much "I" that I'd walk right out. I think that you also don't have to place italics around Cadette's use of other names--we kinda get that it's not him already. I like this, but I felt a strange lack of emotion, as though we weren't connected to Constantine as we could have been. Was this intentional, or is this something you merely forgot to consider when writing? (Think this to yourself, like this is one of those fancy classes where you never actually give an answer. Unless you're Allen, that guy who says his answer aloud every time.)

Notes 2: Constantine's interaction with other characters is some of my favorite in the competition. You write different individuals together and I can see it in my head. I will say that you do tend to use the word "he" an aggravated amount. At times, it feels to me like Constantine is almost exasperated by what's going on around him. Is that intentional? (Also, what happened to your signature face? We missed it.)

★HERZEL KOZLOWSKI★

Score: 13.2

Notes 1: Every task I wonder if both you and Eden have a list of advanced words you have to use in your entries and every task you beat Eden, (just barely at times), and it amuses me. It's interesting to note that the words fit nicely into your writing, and that your writing itself has a very nice approach, the voice clearly showing through. There are a few paragraphs and places where your wording can throw me off (things that are good, but if you had switched something up, could have been better). With that, all I can say is that if you read things aloud or get someone else to look over it you can normally find things like that. It's not much, but then again, I didn't have much complaints with this.

Notes 2: Vocabulary and I are secretly eloped, and sweetie you make me remember how much I love it. This was a great task, it had a very good balance of scenery and internal thought and the idea of the seawater burning (which it would, of course) was an idea that most of our competitors looked over. My only critique is to read over your works, if you have the time, before you send them in. There are little places scattered throughout where your sentences seem broken and don't flow how they should.

★SEBASTIAN MERCIER★

Score: 11

Notes 1: I don't know if it truly was, but your entry read short. I enjoyed it, but I didn't get any sense of real...emotion. I thought I'd feel more fear, given what was happening in your entry, or more action, but neither came through. While your writing is good, you need to work on polishing your entries, and checking through to see if things like your pacing, or emotions, could come through stronger. Ask yourself what you could do to improve--pretend it's not your entry. Basically, if you distance yourself, you'll be better at editing and improving--which is really all I can say, because this was fairly well, just not up to standard.

Notes 2:  Emotion was a big one for me as well. I wanted to feel a lot of confusion and fear and pain this task, but with Sebastian it didn't come through as well as it has in the past. You did improve significantly from last task, and you're almost back to where I know you're writing should be. Pacing and emotions can make or break a good entry. If the writing is good but the character doesn't compare, points get lost. 

★ADEL ASLET★

Score: 12 [-3] 9

Notes 1: Your entry was good, but there was a lack of task that brought down your score. (that, and being late.) If you had written more, or managed your time better so you could have, this would have been a lot better. I'm looking for better time-management and more writing from you.