Third Wheel

T.W/13/It's okay to cry

Cat-kun... Uh I mean Natsume left me in the infirmary but stayed by my side. As much as I told him to leave me alone, he wouldn't say anything but, "I'm killing time."

"Killing time, my butt. You don't need to be here. I'm fine now. Thanks." I rolled my eyes and he decided to lay down in the next bed. After that, he pulled the blankets over his head and turned on his side, facing me.

"I suddenly feel very sick." he coughs and pretends to die.

"In that case, I think I'll head back because I 'suddenly' feel better." I sarcastically say but he doesn't move an inch. Instead, he watches me with soft eyes.

"He's your... ex-boyfriend."

I sigh and turn on my back to face the ceiling, "..."

Technically, I never broke up with him but it doesn't mean we're still together. It just wasn't official... that's all.

I lie, "Yep."

"Who asked who?"

"Why do you care so much?" I mumble, rubbing the hair off my eyes.

"Who asked first?" He repeats. I growl.

"I did. I asked him out."

"He's really plain, pretty boring looking. Probably the most simple guy that ever existed." I almost argue with him about his personality, but then I remember about how he really is. "So he cheated on you huh?"

I turn and face the wall.

"... Even though you're too good for him."

For a moment I forget that I was about to cry and turn back. I'm really surprised by his comment. Then my eyelids fall, "Not really."

"What do you mean? You cheated?"

"No, I didn't... I always complain so he probably got tired of it and-" I stopped.

"You blame yourself?" He sounds a bit surprised.

"I can be pretty annoying. I always... I always ruin everything-" Again, I have to swallow because I can't breathe properly right now.

"..." He stays silent, ignoring my throaty voice. The kind of voice that sounds like you're about to cry out your heart and you can't hold it back any longer. That kind of voice is what I was getting as I talked and talked.

"Every time... every time I had a problem... I'd always talk to him and he'd listen. I thought it was fine the way it was. I never even considered his problems. Even on that day when I saw them together. When I saw Mahiru with that girl, I didn't even think about him. Never did I think about him. I've always thought about myself. About how desperately I needed him to need me. I think he just about had it with me. I never listened to him. It was always one-sided."

"..."

"I really really did love him. All that time, I did. I swear. If I didn't... I wouldn't have given anybody a chance. Not one person. 

When he came into my life, I was making decisions. This and that.

But when I came to know him, the choices were made and I never gave it a second thought."

"Baka" He interrupts. "I'm going to sleep."

Even as he throws the blanket over his head, my lips keep moving.

"I still love him, I think. It may be stupid but even after all he's done, I still love him so dearly that when I see him, my heart clenches so tight. But it's so tight that any second, it will give in and snap."