To start over again

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What I would give to start over again,
To get good grades,to make new friends,
Darkness and despair is all I can see,
and I feel like that's all I can be.

To get better marks is my first concern,
but if I study too much I'll lose friends in return,
Maybe I'll change the world one day,
but thats not worth my friends,no way.

If the chance came to me ,I would be a good sport,
instead of stressing over maths I would build a pillow fort.
I would balance my studies,sports and my play,
and maybe then ,my days wouldn't be plain grey.

My friends reach out to me while I push them away,
even if some of them just want to make my day.
It seems that I have become my worst nightmare,
with a heart as dark as black ink on white paper.

All i do when my friends work and play,
Is sit around and radiate sadness all day,
This isn't my nature,despair,I hate,
But I can't stop,I guess it's fate.

So I have concluded that maybe,just for today,
and perhaps for the next few hundred days,
I'll keep far apart ,from anyone who cares,
so I don't share that poison that dwells.

I have understood that life's not a game,
There aren't three lives and I'll have to bear the pain,
But if I had a chance to start over again,
I would take it before the count of ten.

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