"Don't lie, Hannah..." I heard a faint voice say. Sal's head snapped up, making my body freeze completely. All the Jokers were looking curiously at Brian, as if they didn't understand why he would say something like that.
I felt my heart pound and my hands start to sweat, knowing that Brian wasn't going to end this without the truth being said.
"You love him, Hannah. You can't be happy for him. You can't be happy at all, knowing that the love of your life is getting married. You have to go to sleep every night and cry out all that love for him because you can't have him. You have to be there for him every day, and all of your patience and all of your carefulness is being ignored. You have to compare every guy you meet to him because you want Sal. You want him and you know it. You've wanted him since you were fourteen, and now you have to lie? No. I'm not letting you walk around as if you didn't have a soul anymore, Hannah. Don't pretend like you want this to happen for him."
I let out a loud sob, making me cover my mouth in attempt to quiet myself down, but it didn't work. I continued to sob, choking out a quiet "Why would you?"
I quickly started to run away, but a large hand took ahold of mine. His thumb ran over my wrist, where old scars that had been there from when I felt like I could never be good enough for anything. Sal knew how sensitive I was about myself. I'd always say that nobody will ever love me, and he knew the now faded scars were there for that reason.
"Hannah..." Sal whispered, trying to stop me from leaving.
"Let me go!" I sobbed, ripping my hand away from his and started running. Running so fast so that I could just disappear. Disappear forever.
*Day Of The Wedding*
I threw on my dark purple dress. It was knee length, and wrapped perfectly around my body. My hair was in soft curls and my makeup was done nicely. I threw on a black pair of heals, and looked at myself in the mirror.
Even though Sal and I haven't spoken since the fitting, I can't just miss out on the biggest day of his life. This is his wedding, and if I truly loved him, I would support him every step of the way.
"Wow, I really like that dress on you," someone said through the doorway.
Brian and his fiancé Stephanie stood there, with a small smile on his face, holding her hand tightly.
"Thanks," I said, giving a small smile. Brian was still the one there for me whenever I needed somebody. My views on life had gotten worse every day, but he was always there to help me.
"Shall we go?" I asked, grabbing my clutch off of my bed and quickly walking passed him.
"You don't have to do this," he mumbled, making me stop in my tracks. Tears piled in my eyes, but I shook them away. I have no reason to cry, because this is the happiest moment Sal could ever experience, and I loved seeing that smile on his face.
"I want to. He's my best friend. I'll always be there for him," I confirmed, making my way slowly to the car.
The car ride was silent, and I could tell nobody really knew what to say anymore. One wrong thing and I could break, and it was such a risk to even bring me to the church in the first place. I can't picture him taking her hands, vowing to her that he will always love her with as much love as he can carry. Helping her when she's sick, holding her when she's sad, and singing to her when she's scared. I can't picture the gold ring being slipped onto her finger as they kiss the first kiss of their marriage—I just couldn't. It was too much, too much for me to handle.
Once we arrived at the church, Brian and Stephanie made their way out of the car. He looked behind his shoulder, checking on me to see if I was okay, but my body didn't flinch. I couldn't do anything. Breathing was difficult, and moving had seemed impossible. I started crying hysterically, hitting my forehead against the seat in front of me, and hoping I'd smack some sense into me.
Why did I let myself fall for him? Why did I have to be so stupid?
I continued crying loudly, feeling as if it was the only thing I could do. My body was reacting to every thought about their future, and it seemed to be the worst reaction to anything I've experienced before.
There is so much pain. So much pain in my heart to move on. So much pain in the way I think that living seems so physically painful to me. How am I supposed to live without him? How am I supposed to live at all?
"I can't do it..."
My head snapped up, looking through the open door, making my gaze meet a distraught Sal. His hair was a mess, his eyes were sad, and his tux was on his body, but he looked like he didn't put any effort in himself at all.
"Sal, please fix yourself" I sighed, turning my body around to face him and bringing my arms up to his shirt, buttoning it up more.
"Hannah! Stop!" Sal yelled, pushing my arms away from him. My heart dropped as the realization hit me like a ton of bricks. He's mad at me, and there's nothing I can do about it. Not now, not ever.
"I've been having doubts! I've been sitting in mine and Amethyst's bedroom all this time wondering if getting married to her is even a good idea! And I never asked it! It never crossed my mind before Brian just had to call you out in front of the whole shop! You made me go through so much stress! You should have told me the second you felt things for me, and you know that! You've been ruining this for me!"
"Sal, please, I—"
"And yet I still want you! I love you Hannah!" he yelled, throwing himself against me as his lips landed perfectly on mine. My back hit softly on the seats, his chest laying perfectly against mine. My heart jumped out of my chest and I felt myself feeling happier than I ever have been, feeling his lips sync with mine, and feeling his fingertips dance along my waist, but I knew this wasn't right. I'm not this kind of person, and I can't make Lorie find out about this.
"Sal, this is out of pity. Go and marry her," I whispered.
"Shut up. Just shut up. It's you. You. I want you. Nobody else. Absolutely nobody. I was just so stupid to even realize what was in front of me. I never looked straight ahead. I always just looked around, and it made me so blind, Hannah, because the way I felt just now, kissing you like that, made me feel like I could never die. I felt so infinite, Hannah. I was just so blind. So darn blind," he mumbled again, kissing me, the way I had always pictured it.
His lips detached from mine, running his thumb over my now swollen lips. He looked at them, so confused and hurtful, making everything come to a halt. "How did I live so long without loving you like this?"
Hope you like it!
Sal x Hannah
Start from the beginning
