Acceptance

Fires of the Past

The first boy I ever liked wasn't even a boy, he was a man but that didn't bother me at the time. I was eight years old, in my guitar class, when he my dreamy guitar teacher came to show me a chord and touched my hand. I had always found him attractive but when he touched me, it was like something exploded in me. For the rest of the classes I was excited, not for the guitar part  more so for the chance of having him touch me. I knew deep down my parent would disagree with the thought of me liking a man so I kept it quiet. I only knew one thing that, that one touched awakened something inside of me. Eight year old me liked make up which other boys didn't, hated sports boys which other boys didn't but most of all he liked boys which most boys didn't do.

Later on I pressured myself into liking a girl, whenever someone asked me who my crush was I'd say it was her. But what does a child who is going primary school truly know about liking someone, right? We received a transfer student in standard 5, he was my teacher's son and boy was he dreamy. The trouble of being the teacher's pet was I had to help him catch up to where we had reached in the term and also I had to be with him at all times. Not that he couldn't handle himself but his father, my teacher wanted to make sure he was around a studious someone. He was a straight A student as was I so the teacher didn't see any fault except I did.

I began to slowly fall for his son, he was becoming everything to me. That was when I realized that even though I tried to escape liking boys, I was back to square one.

Why must I be different? Why can't I just like girls? Why do I want him to like me?

Time carried on and soon we were writing exams, we became good friends but he left my company for those of much cooler boys. Indefinitely I was back to liming with my female best friends, not that I had a problem but he was gone. I was the son have a blooming Pastor and Prophetess, both who expected nothing less from me. In their faith I was a "prodigy" but the truth was I was doing everything to run from who I was, trying desperately to grab to a religion that its preacher would say that being gay was a sacrilege. I'd resigned myself to self torture not by hurting myself physically but mentally. Past this moment where I stood I had liked two male individual and thus I assigned the name abomination to myself.

I went on after exams to pass for one of the most prestigious schools in the country, and little did I know that school would be where I would discover much about myself.