Philophobia: The fear of falling in love or emotional attachment. The risk is usually when a person has confronted any emotional turmoil relating to love in the past but also can be chronic phobia.
In slightly messy handwriting, as if it were written really quickly, it said, "Sorry."
...Strange.
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(Akutagawa's POV)
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Ryuunosuke's Private Diary (RPD): February 28th.
So, it turns out that all of the therapists available to me only use one kind of therapy. I'm really starting to get sick of all of this "Talk about your feelings and everything will be better!" BS. Ah, yes, talking about the fact that my younger sister died directly in front of my eyes will stop me from making people into punching bags.
I shouldn't have brought that up, huh? Oh, look. Tears again.
"Bullies only hurt people because they've been hurt!!!" Yeah, I guess I really can't oppose that. What if I can't help that I break things out of stress? I break a lot of things! Pencils, useless things, Nakajima's nose, other things.
Queue one of these things is not like the other from sesame street.
The worst part of all the therapy bullshit that I've had to go through for years is that, even though I know all the crap I do is wrong, and the therapist knows that I know that it's wrong, she still says the same things every single time. Blah blah blah, take it out on something inanimate like a pillow, blah blah. I understand that they get paid to do this, but they shouldn't get paid for a job that they aren't doing correctly.
She gets points for effort. In the long run, I guess it's working a little bit. I didn't try to fight anyone today. That's an accomplishment, right? I did push someone in the hall, but that doesn't count.
On to the next topic of my day! Lunch was absolute psychological hell for me. Not only did I intensely stare at Nakajima for almost the entire time, but I also managed to smack myself in the face with a fork when he looked back at me. Don't blame me for that! I mean, it's hard to eat or use handheld objects in general when your dominant arm is broken. It still throbs with pain. It's really a shame that Dazai's own boyfriend hates me. I'm getting off topic, though, aren't I? What an idiot you are, Ryuunosuke, a true idiot. Now, you may ask, actually, you may not, since a notebook can't respond, but just why was I staring at Nakajima for so long...
I might want to save that conversation for another time. Seeing as this is just a simple wad of paper, it doesn't matter whether I write it down or not. I'll just go ahead and say it. He's a cute little fuck who I wish wasn't so adorable and he hates me just like most of the other students and I broke his nose which I really deeply regret and hate myself for doing.
I hate myself for doing that so much, to the point that I started having a mild panic attack over it, and quickly scribbled a short apology on a tiny piece of paper and slid it into his locker during passing time. Which I now regret, seeing as he probably doesn't know anyone else who would have anything to apologize to him for. At least I did apologize, though.
Now my hand hurts like all hell. See ya, notebook.
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I FINALLY FINISHED THIS HOLY CRAP!!! I decided to intensely pressure myself to finish this chapter since this week is... (Drumroll please...) SHIN SOUKOKU WEEK!!!!!!!!!!
I'm honestly not quite sure if I like the idea of Aku having a diary, but if you like it, tELL ME PLEASE! I want my readers to enjoy this book just as much, if not more than I do. And the way to do that is to see what you guys like. So feel free to leave other suggestions, or just tips and stuff. And this isn't gonna get smutty anytime soon since they're both around 15 in this, so don't get your hopes too high. Anyways, in summary, vote on Aku's diary, give me other suggestions if you want, and don't expect this to turn into gay porn.
I still kind of feel bad for breaking Atsushi's nose... and Aku's arm... I promise it'll get somewhat more positive at some point maybe possibly if I feel like it. Actually, I might just get more into the angsty aspect of it. Whoooooooops.
AAANYWAYS,,, have an amazing Shin Soukoku week! And if you don't ship shin Soukoku then... why are you here. But have a great week no matter what! SEE YA!
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