Kairos

Do you ever find yourself wishing you could change time? 

Do you ever find yourself wondering why you even exist if nothing can ever be right for you?

Then again, you're probably thinking such things as how I'm too young to know anything and I'm just experiencing and learning new things every single day. Which is incredibly true, yes, but to say that I am only 16 years old, I really do believe that I have had a fair share of bad days which don't include bad make up or bad hair days. 

Tonight is the night that I found out that the person I trusted the most in the world, the person I sacrificed everything for, the person I focused on the most lied to me. 

It could be that I'm being totally over dramatic as again, I am young. But it does hurt. It hurts so much to find out from the girl you once trusted that she has in fact been sleeping with your boyfriend for a long period of time. 

I do believe that I'll get over it because it's just a teenager thing but I also believe that it'll scar me in a way that nobody else really understands. 

Most adults say that teenage love is hopeless, that most teenagers don't know what love is. To be honest, I'm not entirely sure what love is exactly but what if it's that you get butterflies every time you see your partner even when they look their worst, or when you smile every time you hear their laugh.  I'm not sure. But I do believe that I was in love with him, I hope I was anyway. 

I lay here on my bed looking up at the ceiling, my eyes red from the amount of tears I've cried which are now dry. I lay here and actually wonder what to do. 

I lay here and I wish I could re start the year. Re start everything and do things for me.